Age is not just a number

 

All of us often feel nostalgic; every now and then. We catch ourselves thinking about the good times but is the good time was really a good time? Scientists say – “Our perception of the world is deeply imperfect, our brains only bother to remember a tiny piece of what we actually experience, and every time we remember something we have the potential to change the memory we are accessing.”

I am 36 and just taking a look back at my life. Do I wanna go back to a certain time? Let’s see –

Before Teenage

My childhood was amazing. We used to live in a close community, I had so many friends in fact I had so many different groups of friends, I was a popular kid, I can’t say if everyone liked me or not but I had a good impression on almost everyone. We enjoyed all the festivals, all the seasons, all the occasions. I was good at school, I played a lot, I fought a lot and I was in trouble a lot.

Let’s face it those were good days but I was a kid, I was banned from almost everything, everything I did led to trouble, I was cute but always dirty, I spent days without taking a shower, I couldn’t even go to next door without asking permission, there was a timetable for playing, for watching T.V., for having breakfast/lunch/dinner, and every now and then people would come to my parents complaining about my behaviour. My friends kind of hated me because I was popular. My sisters were always mocking me just because I was the youngest (though they took very good care of me but whatever, it was their duty).  I had to cry a lot to get toys and dolls and stuff.

But do I want to go back to being a child, I don’t think anyone really want to.

Teenage

So my teenage was exactly opposite of my childhood. I was living in a small town, in a secluded office campus with almost no neighbors at least none of my age. Everyone around me had a funny accent and I did not have any accent, the way I talked, the way I walked everything I did was alien to them. I was popular but in a ghostly way. Everyone knew me but I had very few friends. Cricket was everything to me; I was a living cricket encyclopedia. Crazy about Rahul Dravid. I think he was my first hero in every possible imaginable way. I was day dreaming a lot (who doesn’t), some of it I still remember and frankly it is embarrassing.

I moved to a different city for my college and first couple of years were total nightmare. You can imagine one day living a privileged life with everyone taking care of you and suddenly you are in a girl’s hostel. You will know it if you have lived in a place where everyone is sharpening their nails, baring their teeth, jumping on their toes, prepping their tongue waiting for you to make just one tiny winy small mistake. As if it wasn’t enough to be surrounded by soul eater wraiths, the hostel owners had a very complicated family tree (if you know what I mean). Well it was kind of living in a Big Boss house without AC, hot water and comfy couch..you see worse than Big Boss house. College was not any better. In first year of engineering, students are always looking down so much that they have no idea what is going on around them. I felt like a lost puppy.

So I don’t have to tell you that I don’t want to go back being a teenager. As a girl in teenage you are awkward when your crush is around (Okay that doesn’t have anything to do with teenage), you don’t know how to live inside your body, even if you have good dressing sense you are forced by your parents and siblings to wear something less cool, you are not able to express yourself, you live in a bubble and later in your teenage that bubble is about to go pop. In my opinion teenage is the worst time of your life, End of story.

20-25

Hmmm....this is the best time and worst time together.  I switched my place, made good friends, beginning to understand ways of the world. My Rahul Dravid obsession still continued. Everyone thought I was different – good way or bad way I still don’t know. I was able to keep up with college stuff. I had a good time. But you win one battle and there is another.

Job – I was good at aptitude but not good at interviews. I was rejected in final round of almost all interviews (I couldn’t make it to the finals for at least some). I actually once went to Grand Hyatt Mumbai for a job interview and accidentally walked into a wedding ceremony. Everyone just stopped doing everything and they were glaring at my formal suit. Their eyes were yelling – Girl you are at wrong place. Anyways I did not get an offer letter even after clearing the HR round so I suppose I was rejected. I accepted a low paying job in a city which was far from where all my friends were and I accepted it with all my heart. I did well in my job but it wasn’t well paid. All my sisters got married. I did not yet have a boy friend. Whenever I liked someone they were unavailable, whenever someone liked me I did not like them back. Also most of the guys saw me as a temporary girlfriend material I have no idea why. Out of all my male friends, I ever had, I think there are only 2-3 who did not approach me as a rebound, ridiculous right!

Do I want to go back to that time? Well I went through a lot of phases during this time and always came out stronger. A lot of people still remember me whenever they see some news about Rahul Dravid (Talk about obsession).  I was independent but I did not have much money and at this age you can’t ask your parents for money so that you can spend it at your leisure for your pleasure.  I had a kleptomaniac for a roommate whose father was in police department, ironic right! This is the time of your life when you have the potential but no one wants to give you a chance. You have money but not enough for anything useful. You have got no emotional support because all your friends are busy in spending the little money they have got. No I don’t want to go back to that time. I am totally done with it. It feels like a badly planned holiday.

25-30

These are the most less productive years of my life. I was back with my family in a new city. A city so lively that it sometimes makes me want to murder someone. I was in a relationship which drove me into depression. I was switching jobs faster than I can get one. I literally walked out of 4 jobs because I simply did not feel like continuing. I had very little patience and very high temper. I insulted almost everyone I crossed path with. I even called one of my ex-bosses a Bitch on Facebook in a Public post.  I tossed away a very good future prospect. All I care about was just make an impossible relationship work somehow. 

Obviously I do not want to go back to that time because all this time I felt like a complete idiot who was getting stupider with age. With the help of some good books and a very supportive family I managed to get out of the relationship. I managed to get a decent job. I managed to get back on track. But no never in my life again.

30s

Now I can say that I am good at my job; I am earning, saving and contributing to my family. I am more patient now. Now I am only swearing on people’s back. I can afford holidays, high maintenance, hobbies, books and bookshelves, gym and other things. I bought a car on my own. Learnt to drive. Now I can smell a bad relationship from miles away. I have less but good friends. I feel so content that I can focus on helping others. I am taking care of stray dogs. I try not to get in unnecessary arguments. I block/mute everyone who gives me negative vibes. I help younger people by distributing them torrent downloaded movies and tv shows. (If feels good when younger generation asks you for internet stuff). Now I sometimes watch football and I can not stand watching cricket.

Well I say 30s is the golden age of your life. You officially have a right to think that everyone who is younger is stupid because you are quite mature now.  You can order green tea when everyone else is ordering booze without feeling like a total freak. You are now able to insult people in subtle, sophisticated manner. You are able to get yourself out of most of the situations because you have been through hell. You can completely support yourself as well as others. You look your best (at least in your early 30s). You finally know what to do with all the wit you have got. 

May be when I am in my 40s, I wouldn't want to go back to my 30s at all.

Whoever told you that “Age is just a number” was wrong. It is journey of your life through the no. of years which we call Age. It is our journey from ignorance to maturity, from nobody to somebody, from impulse to understanding, from denial to acceptance..umm well of course for so many of us it’s vice versa but whatever it is, it is our life experience don’t insult it by calling just a number.