Harry Potter - A Spiritual Guide

People think fantasy movies and stories are shallow but more often they have a deeper meaning than we think. I am on a spiritual journey and I can’t stop myself from quoting Harry Potter, because it is all so relatable. It comes under “Young Adult” genre but if you have an open mind, it is for everyone.

In first book, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone,

The mirror of Erised, shows you your deepest desire, most desperate desire of our hearts. On a spiritual level, when we come face to face with our true self, we come to know our deepest desires which are not layered with the limits society has imposed upon us.

In the second book, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets,

When Dumbledore is suspended as a Headmaster, he says that – “You will also find that help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.” 

It seems through out the series Dumbledore represents the Universe. Whenever we ask Universe anything with faith and good intention, it always provides. The Universe always has our back and it doesn’t judge, it responds to us as per our intentions.

In the third book, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,

Dementor represents Depression, which sucks happiness out of living creatures. They make people spiraling on their guilts, victimhood and fears drive them so mad that they don’t wish to live anymore. Sounds like depression.

When Harry was first attacked by dementor, Professor Lupin gives him Chocolate to make him feel better, which really works when you are feeling down.

Chocolate contains Neurotransmitters. Chocolate can affect our body’s nervous system in various ways, one of them is causing the release of neurotransmitters in the brain. Neurotransmitters assist in conveying signals between neurons. Chocolate helps in releasing various happy neurotransmitters in the brain such as endorphins, serotonin, and other opiates. They trigger certain emotions and effectively reduce stress and decrease pain, this is the reason why chocolate is known to be comfort food. Endorphins help in alleviating depression as they act as sedatives and provide a feeling of pleasure and happiness. 

Dementors are repelled by Patronous and Patronous is produced by feeling a happy memory. Isn’t it something you need to do to cure depression? Feeling is really the secret!

I have another interesting theory about why it was difficult for Hermione to produce a Patronous? Because she had an extremely analytical mind, it was difficult for her to see a situation without analyzing it. Whenever she tried to produce the patronous she was more focused on the problem than generating a happy feeling without context.

Boggart represents our irrational fears, when we don’t confront them, they grow and grow but when we learn to face them, they dissolve.

Hermione uses Time turner to attend multiple classes at once. Basically, she was at different places at the same time. Well, that’s Quantum physics, which says as soon as a potential exists for any object to be in any state, the universe of that object transmutes into a series of parallel universes equal to the number of possible states in which that the object can exist, with each universe containing a unique single possible state of that object.

In the fourth book, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire,

When Cedric dies. Dumbledore insists Harry to tell the details of the event and says -

"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it."

"Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery."

This is very basic that we shouldn’t suppress negative emotions because they turn into trauma and haunt you until you have finally dealt with them. Accepting whatever you are feeling removes resistance and in turn makes it easier to process a heightened emotion.

In the Fifth book, Harry Potter and the Order of Pheonix,

Umbridge makes Harry write lines – “I must not tell lies” and when Harry asks – “How many times?” she replies – “As long as it takes for the message to sink in.” It is about subconscious programming, you repeat something over and over again, it gets embedded in your subconscious mind and you start believing it without giving it a second thought.

Voldemort could not possess Harry because at the time Harry was worried for his friends and was grieving for Sirius and “What is Grief if not Love persevering.”  (that’s one of my favorite quotes). Voldemort who was conceived under the effect of love potion, had never experienced true love, and could not stand such a strong positive emotion, it was unbearable to him. 

When Sirius dies and goes beyond the veil, at the end Luna says to Harry about her mother that “It is not as though I will never see her again. You heard them behind the veil, didn’t you?” Well, we don’t really die, it’s just this body. Our soul lives till eternity in the form of consciousness so our loved ones who left us, aren’t really gone. They are all around us just in a different form or no form.

In the sixth book, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince,

The liquid luck potion, Felix Felicis. It is described as – “You will be lucky in everything you attempt.” The potion represents high vibrations. When you are in high vibrations, every decision you make turn out to be fruitful, the Universe bends reality for you, everything becomes effortless.

In the seventh book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,

Horcrux Vs Hallows, Dumbledore left clear instructions to Harry that he has to hunt down Horcruxes, Dumbledore also in a very mysterious ways gave Harry another weapon against Voldemort that was Deathly Hallows. Who reunites all 3 Deathly Hallows becomes the master of death. Harry had to become master of death because that was the only way to kill the horcrux which was inside Harry without killing Harry. So, his main purpose was to destroy the horcruxes, not really to own the hallows and Dumbledore trusted Hermione to remind Harry about his purpose whenever he was sidetracked. This part is very personal to me (not in a deadly way). I am on a spiritual journey and I know I have a purpose. Every now and then I learn something new about spiritual world and different experiences which can speed up the whole spiritual journey but it shifts my focus out of my purpose and whenever my focus is shifted, I am somehow put back on track to focus on my purpose. I have learnt that I can’t fast track this process, I have to do my job first, which is to focus on my purpose. And honestly when I was wrapping my head around all this, it almost felt like the way Harry, Hermione and Ron were figuring out their next move.

From the fifth book, the Order of the Pheonix, Harry had been forced to learn to close his mind against Voldemort but he was not able to do so. When Dobby dies, Harry didn’t have to close his mind he knew what Voldemort was doing but it no longer affected his feelings. The thoughts were just there in his mind. Because in moments of despair we go beyond our mind, everything is still there but we just go past all of it. Despair is the number 1 cause of human soul awakening, when we finally go beyond our mind and come face to face with the source energy.

When Voldemort kills the horcrux which was inside Harry and Harry wakes up at King’s cross. Harry asks Dumbledore – “Where do you think we are?” and Dumbledore replies – “I have no idea. This is what they say, your party.” What it really means is at the time Harry was beyond this realm so he was not limited by its reality. He was creating his own reality.

Again, Dumbledore says “We are in King’s Cross, you say? I think that if you decided not to go back, you would be able to…let’s say…board a train.” And Harry says – “Where would it take me?” Dumbledore replies – “On.” The whole experience harry was having was a near death experience, he was in the middle and he could go on or come back and resume what he was doing.

And then Harry asks – “Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?” to which Dumbledore replies – “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” The most important aspect of spiritual teaching is to look beyond your five senses. What you perceive with your five senses is not always true. Even scientists like Neil deGrasse Tyson says that the world is full of things that we cannot understand simply by observing or touching them. He claims that only using our five senses is inadequate.

Throughout the series Dumbledore insisted upon Love. Love truly conquers all. Love is in core of all positive feeling be it Gratitude, Compassion, Forgiveness, Appreciation. Love is basis of all existence. Never underestimate the power of true love. Love is the primary source to raise your vibrations.

Writing all this has made me nostalgic and now I have an urge to read it all over again the 11^th time.

 

Comfort Zone !

 

Few days ago, my colleague asked me – “Have you been writing anything?”. I said “No because currently I am not angry about anything”. Anyway only a few people read my blog and they do it out of fear of being mentioned in it. I guess it must have been a very uncomfortable experience for them who read it and they were in it.

I just read something very intriguing today – “Your subconscious mind is the gatekeeper of your comfort zone.” And it clicked to me why not talk about comfort zones.

I am a very laid-back person. I hope it never happens again (for other people’s sake) but lock down (not covid) was a golden period of my life. It has been almost 2 years and I am still not out of locked down mode. People ask me don’t you get bored being at home all the time? If it was in my control, I wouldn’t even get out of my room. Home is a big territory.

My sister always says to me, you have to get out of your comfort zone, you got to meet people, you should get involved with people. Yeah, I am not a people person and if I was meeting anyone unwillingly that would put them in a very very uncomfortable zone.

Once my brother-in-law dragged me to a group of dancing people in a wedding  at a marriage garden, you know what happened, I fell down in the middle of the group of  unknown people because of high heels, that was out of my comfort zone. Why those are called marriage garden anyway, are we supposed to go jogging there, no one wear sports shoes there why they have such uneven grounds, it should be called marriage desert. 

My cousin went on a holiday recently and she didn’t ask me. And I am not bothered I know why didn’t she ask me because it was a 10 days holiday. She knows I can’t be away from my home’s comfort for 10 days. On 3^rd day I am whiny, on 4^th day I am grumpy, on 5^th day I am sarcastic and after that I am angry all the way and no one wants to be with me when I am angry. When I am miserable, I make everyone around me miserable, that’s the one thing I don’t like to do alone. 

I planned a solo holiday in fact I have been planning a holiday for 2 years which involves going to any peaceful city for 2 days which has direct air connectivity from my home town, booking a lavish hotel and never get out of my hotel room, not even for food, why do they have room service anyway. But that didn't happen because finding a peaceful city, booking a hotel and booking tickets is too much trouble for me. The only tickets I like to book is for movies. Yeah, I can get out of my comfort zone for movies. 

I spent about 2 years in Jaipur and once I was all set to watch a very disturbing Bollywood movie with my colleagues on first day first show at “Rajmandir”. It was a time when you have to actually go to the movie hall to book tickets so I was in this queue for 2 hours and I was supposed to buy tickets for 10 people and guess what?,  I didn’t get it. It really hurt my ego so I went to another movie hall and stood in the queue for about 1 hour and got tickets for everyone for an evening show. I was still not out of my comfort zone but then I watched the movie and it made me uncomfortable to my bones. If anyone is interested to know which movie it was, it was – “Tashan”. Yeah, I have seen so many terrible Bollywood movies that one day I decided I had enough and I haven’t seen a Bollywood movie in 10 years. 

Interestingly that’s not the only reason I stopped watching Bollywood movies. I was going through a rough breakup and I realized that watching Bollywood movies or listening Bollywood songs was making it wrose. They make you emotional to verge of wanting to commit suicide. I decided that it was not good for my mental health and I never regretted that decision so I started a Hollywood rampage and I got my favorite comfort zone. Now I watch the same movie again and again countless times. My most watched movie comfort zones are “Batman Begins” (because Christian Bale looks so damn hot in it) and “Age of Ultron” (I don’t even know why I like this movie so much). If I am watching something on TV, I am watching one of those 2 things. I love my comfort zones. 

I have another comfort zone – Books. I have read Harry Potter the whole series 10 times, that was my only bucket list item I was able to check off. 

My parents are concerned, they are beginning to say at least start going to the office, go for a walk. I say – you guys have no idea how blessed you are to have a daughter who doesn’t go anywhere with anyone, who just sits and reads and does something on her laptop, doesn’t eat much, doesn’t bother anyone much, doesn’t talk much. Everyone wishes to have a daughter like me. 

My sister and brother-in-law used to ask me a lot whenever they were going out of the house in the evening. I always have the same reply – “No, I am showered.”. Once my brother-in-law asked me – “So what’s wrong with getting out of the house after taking shower”. Well, everything, I didn’t clean up to get all the dirt all over me. You know how much polluted this country is. So, they started asking me things like – “Do you want us to bring something for you – Ice cream or anything to eat”, and obviously I would say – “No because I would have brushed my teeth by the time you guys will be back”. They said – “We will be back before 10”. I said – “I would have brushed my teeth by 8:30”. They said – “It is okay to break the routine once in a while” and I said – “Why? Look how gorgeous I am, routine has been serving me right so far, why would I want to break it?”. You see my routine is my comfort zone. It gives me peace and joy. 

There is another reason for me to not go out. Because in order to get out, I have to change clothes. That’s too much work for me; not changing the clothes, deciding what to wear. If the occasion is not important, I am going choose an outfit which goes with my intimates but if it is an important occasion, I have to choose intimates which goes with my outfit. And all women know how difficult that is and how much efforts it requires. 

If anyone asks me out – my perfect reply is I don’t know where that place is? I am not driving. Yeah, I know we have google maps but I don’t’ understand a word it says. It’s like Klingon to me and I am not bothering to understand it otherwise I would lose my perfect excuse to not get out of the house. 

I have been working in the same place for 10 years, it’s not that I can’t get a better a job, it’s just that I don’t want to. This is about loyalty and more than that this is about not leaving my comfort zone. 

I am a woman, I walk in high heels, I have to be cautious no matter what I am wearing, I have to deflect all the unwarranted flirting, I have to deal with cat fights, I have to be alert all the time, I have to be presentable almost all the time, I have to mind my manners almost all the time (though I don’t). We women live out of our comfort zone every second of our lives. I don’t understand what the fuss is about. I am living my dream life. I am living most of the people’s dream life. My life is easy and effortless. Social interaction exhausts me. It hurts my jaw to put on a fake smile and make small talk. I am not good at small talk. If you want to talk to me, you should have material worth of minimum 2 hours of talk time.

Almost a year ago, I really got out of my comfort zone and did something incredibly not expected from me, ever since I am out of my comfort zone and that taught me you make memories when you are out of your comfort zone. That’s why it is so important to get out of it every once in a while, not always.

 

Getting fit !

When my workplace moved to a new premises which had a gym, everyone became a gym freak. Imagine you want to have your lunch while gossiping about your colleagues with your colleagues but hell no! Everyone wanted to talk about protein shakes, nutrition products, eating boiled eggs, counting calories. Such a boring topic to discuss at lunch time or any time.

I heard girls discussing it in Rest room and one of the girls said to me – you look so fit, have you also joined the gym.  I said – no, I can’t workout after office and I don’t find it comfortable working in the office right after getting out of office gym. She said – You can take shower in the gym. Can you? How can any girl take shower in an office gym? How many beauty products you will have to keep in your office-gym bag for that I am not even including makeup products.

Anyways I have been in and out of gym/Zumba/aerobics. I always lack the motivation. A wise person (being me) once said - If you lack the will to join the gym, just buy a nicely fitted dress and try fitting in it. You will be motivated. In my case, I knew it was time to get back to the gym because during the pandemic I had started to look like my age (without even getting covid). I thought it was impossible but it was happening, right in front of the mirror. So, I had to get back to the gym.

First of all, I am not a fitness freak, I just want to look hot as long as I can, that’s all, end of story. Very small percentage of people are really into “being fit” stuff. For most people being fit means looking good, even if they don’t accept it.

Obviously as usual I started to get some weird encounters which brought me here.

As soon as I entered the gym, I intentionally started avoiding all ladies because I didn’t want to get in the topic why are you still single and all the guys because I had very bad experience with one.

Just after a couple of days, I bumped into a girl from office who thought she didn’t get an appraisal because of me. It looked like she was still resentful and avoiding me so I also started avoiding her. So basically, at this point I was avoiding almost everyone.

I managed to get an injury after a short while so I had to take a couple of physiotherapy sessions from a physiotherapist who comes regularly at a neighboring house. Dr. Physiotherapist asked me how did I get this injury. I told her I think I got it from the gym though I am not sure. She started full on – I have so many patients like you, we don’t need gyming, people don’t need to lift weights, trainers force customers to lift heavy weights then customers get injuries, it happens so often. You don’t even need exercising. You are already slim.  Okay girl! lesson learnt, being slim is not the only goal here, would you please shut up and focus on therapy? After taking a couple of months break, I was back at the gym and would anyone believe what I saw. I saw Dr. Physiotherapist there, lifting heavy weights, at the same gym where I go and I got to know that she joined the gym literally 2 days after she did my physiotherapy.

Once one of the guys tried talking to me but I couldn’t get his sense of humor so I ignored it. After a few days I realized, now I was being ignored. I mean, hello! I was ignoring you first, you don’t have to return the favor. The ignoring would still work.

One unfortunate day Dr. Physiotherapist was cycling beside me, she said – you have come after a long time?  I said – yeah, I caught cold. She said – I am going to be regular; I am not going to take any gaps ever, I am going to do all my workouts with sincerity, it is very important to get fit, I will push my limits, I want to go far, really far. Excuse me! I don’t remember stopping you.

I am usually in a very bad mood in the morning, the weight of waking up early is too much to bear. I really don’t understand how people take exotic selfies at the gym in the morning hours. I have no idea what am I doing there until I am back at home with muscle pain.

One gloomy day, one of the ladies had the courage to talk to me and after a few seconds she came right to the business – What does your husband do? I don’t know because I don’t have one, what part of my face or body tells you that I am married? So, you are not married? Everyone should get married at least once? If you mean for sex then I really don’t want to cook meal 4 times in a day for 4 people (maybe more) for that.

I don’t understand why people ask me you are married or single. What’s it got to do with them? Do they all want to date me? Because I don’t reciprocate the same feeling.

Another girl – why do you need a personal trainer; you are already fit. Yeah, but I have way too much money to splurge on shopping alone so here I am with a personal trainer also I am world’s top-class procrastinator so if someone is not nudging me, I wouldn’t even lift my car keys to go to the gym forget about the weights.

An Uncle after enquiring me about where I work, from where and when I completed my engineering, concluded - You look hardly 25. You look too young for your age. You look too old to make a comment like that. Even Scarlett Johansson after all the cosmetic procedures doesn’t look like 25 at 38.

Another man – Are you ever going to come out of your teenage ever? No, I am a vampire, I am stuck at that and I am out for blood so watch out.

Another man – You don’t talk much? Yeah, I don’t speak gibberish.

Another lady – I can see improvements in you. You look really fit now. You are doing really good. I have no idea what am I doing and excuse me did I look bad earlier? How much time do you spend on treadmill? If I could I would spend zero. Do you follow a diet? Yeah, I do and my diet plan includes try not to eat Maggie thrice a week. How much weight do you lift? Not nearly as much as you do.

Another lady – You always look the same, how do you always stay slim? I said – No one is satisfied with themselves; everyone likes someone else’s body. She said – Would you like a fat body like me.

Not everyone has to work hard to get an acceptable body. If you love your body, your body will love you back. It’s not a competition. Your goal should be to become the best version of yourself, not some second-rate version of someone else. If you are trying to look like Kendall Jenner, you are doing it wrong. Not everyone’s body is same, and in order to achieve your goal you have to first accept that.

Another lady – You always standing looking outside the window. May be because I don’t want to talk to anyone? How old are you? I am ancient.

Some girl – Do you practice yoga? your body is so flexible. I joined an Art of Living 7 days crash course when I was in depression, if that counts?

A guy – Why do you always need the fan to be switched on? Because I am hot, I mean hot tempered, I mean when I sweat it makes me hot tempered. When I am hot tempered, I become very rude, and trust me no one wants that. No one can handle that. Plus, I like the air to be circulated when there is a crowd and everyone is wearing a strong deodorant/perfume or body odor. Yeah, it’s common sense.

Another lady – You don’t need this much exercise. Trust me, I am doing the bare minimum. After making enquiries she said - I can match you up with someone. You think I haven’t tried? I can see a red flag from miles away and still manage to get bumped into it.

Seriously, sometimes I really don’t understand, from where people get the courage to talk to me, when I give seriously don’t talk to me vibes. I am sure it took them months to finally talk to me this much and they offended me straight away. If you are trying to make a conversation, how about not starting with personal questions?  

Well it’s not always their fault, I am not really functional till midday.

The cost of doing The Right Stuff ...?

 

If you are up to something good, why there are a thousand obstacle in your path and 99% probability of failure? If you are up to no good, why it is so easy and almost all the time achievable?

Once I was taking an aptitude test for one of the major IT companies in an open campus. There was a guy sitting opposite to me, who I barely knew. When the aptitude test was about to finish, this guy asked me to show my answer sheet and I did because I was pretty confident that I am not going to get through and I did not get through the test but that guy did.

When I decided to take care of stray dogs, almost everyone in the neighborhood was angry with me. Fortunately, I am always angrier than them so they really couldn’t stand up against me. Good for the dogs. I still had to go through a lot of shouting matches with people I didn’t know. In 2 years, I have seen 15 puppies and 3 adult dogs dying, even after caring for them day and night. All those dogs were my source of happiness. In this world, this how you get paid when you love and care for someone.

I used to be a very adjusting person, when I was away from home living in hostel, I realized girls were ready to walk all over you if you were nice.

I am an INFJ and I can easily empathize with people; sometimes this has made me stand up for people I don’t really care for. It has happened to me so many times that I started a fight for someone and I continued fighting for that someone even when they left the fight and I became the bad person. I sabotaged my relationship with people I was fighting with.

People with fake smiles and sweet talk, no one really likes them but still they are surrounded by people. However genuine and authentic people are boring, no one pays them any attention.

How many times it has happened that you gave people a favor but when it was time to return that favor, they just couldn’t do it.

We have been always taught we should be kind, we should empathize with others, we should be compassionate but are these qualities really worth it. Do they ever make you successful in your life? How many successful people do you know who truly possessed these qualities? You can be kind and compassionate after reaching your goal but your journey doesn’t need these qualities.

Do you get a promotion for working hard or do you get a promotion to make everyone believe that you worked hard?

People just don’t like it, if you are a better human being than them. First, they will complement you for your kindness, then they will say you are crazy because you care too much.

As you grow up, similar incidents have happened to you so many times that you feel detached, you don’t want to care for anyone except yourself. You really don’t know who is your friend and who is your enemy. Everyone out there is ready to take advantage of your good heart. Helping people may make you feel good for a short time but what effect does it have over you in a long run? It may make you feel good about yourself for a while but is it enough? Don't you expect the same compassion and empathy from others? Doesn't sometimes you are left feeling exhausted doing the right stuff without being paid off?

Do you believe in Gandhigiri? Do you think if you clean after someone who is constantly spitting, they would stop it? I think this country would have been really clean if that happened.

Do you believe in Karma? Do you believe what goes around, comes around? Have you ever seen that happened? How many times people have screwed you over and you thought someday they will suffer for it? But when the day finally came, did you care? Did it give you the satisfaction you needed? Did the other person know, what they were suffering for? How the Karma is justified if above questions are not answered.

May be what we think is right, is wrong and what we think is wrong, is right. May be there is no right or wrong. May be the world doesn’t work the way we thought it did. May be not having conscience is not so wrong.

Not ready to mingle - Part 2

I am back with some more real-life events, these are just so above the bar.

I first met this guy on a matrimonial site, he sent me a request and I accepted it. He was from IIM and that’s his identity, the boy from IIM. Apparently, he thinks I am not educated enough to know anyone else from IIM. He could only talk about 2 topics IIM tales and how hot I am. 

We hadn’t met yet and he says to me he looks like Virat Kohli, was I supposed to be impressed because I wasn’t. I don’t find Virat Kohli impressive as a person, as a cricketer or as a celebrity, I am more of a Rahul Dravid kind of person. I am into reliable, dependable men. So, he played that one wrong.

Anyway, we met and he realizes that he likes me but he can’t marry me because he is from IIM and I am from some engineering college. I understand some people want their partner to be their equal but he also previously rejected a girl from a very prestigious education institute because she was very ambitious, to this day I can’t understand what is wrong with that. He earns double than me, it doesn’t matter if he had to spend 75% of it on education loan and also, I am a few months older than him. What amazes me he still wants to date me, because maybe I don’t hold up to his standards but I am still hot. Baby, I have been living with myself for 37 years. I am perfectly aware of my own hotness and the hotter I may get if surrounded by idiots.

Once he was talking to me on the phone while driving, suddenly he says – Oh my god! Such short skirts! and I asked him where are you? He says at the signal – some school girls are crossing the road. And I never really talked to him again. People like him needs to understand objectifying every girl in the vicinity is not cool, specially when you are 35 years old and the girl is in school. It doesn’t matter how much horny you are, it is just unacceptable.

This guy, he is also in IT, works in an MNC. At first, he seems nice, it was easy to converse with him, I was not annoyed by him, I was taking things slow but he wanted to move on to censored topics of conversation. He could have said something quite different but what he says is – “Today I went to a temple with my whole family. I was so shocked what my 13 years old cousin was wearing, that too inside a temple. Now a days teenagers are just so sexually active”. I just hung up and never talked to him again.

I am an INFJ and I judge people too fast, maybe it’s one of my faults but I am never going to give benefit of doubt to paedophiles and perverts.

This guy I met on a dating site, is in Airforce. Should be a gentleman, right? Well, if education can’t give you sensibility how the hell your profession can.

First time I talked to him, I could talk for hardly 2 mins and after putting down the phone he messages me – I miss you. What did you really miss about me, a 2 hour long imaginary conversation?

Second time I told him; I can’t talk to you because I have a headache. He says- let me make you some tea. Seriously! at middle age, he is going to play kitchen set with me because I haven’t done that for 30 years. I am not sure how many technological advances are made every day but I am perfectly aware that no technology exist which can deliver hot tea in time from Hyderabad to Indore, for someone who is going to have a 100% real Migraine.

He is messaging me – I just came out of shower and I am dripping wet. Let me stop you right there, I talked to you only once on phone, I don’t even know yet if I am slightly interested in you. If I really want to fantasize about someone I have never met, that would rather be Chris Pine.

Well fortunately at very initial level all this stops because he blocked me, I somehow managed to turn him off. Well, good riddance. Did I declare victory too soon? Yes, I did. He found me on Telegram and sent me some messages which I ignored. After a few months he again sends hi/hellos on WhatsApp. I realized that he blocked me, but I didn’t block him, I didn’t know I had to because I have never been on the other side of this blockchain. Anyways I say to him – I think you have insulted me enough, now please stop bothering me and he says - I lost all my phone contacts so I just wanted to know who this person is. Now I blocked him. This guy really needs to grow up if he is still losing all contacts from his phone. I just don’t understand, if he is dumb or he thinks I am dumb so he can act like he is dumb. 

It is expected from well-educated, well-placed people to be sensible and well-mannered but I am sorry not sorry but, in my experience, overqualified people are toxic.  Chivalry is dead and these men have killed it.

So don’t ask me why I am single, ask these men what is wrong with them.

These guys need to understand, some girls run on high maintenance, some on high morals and some on both (which is completely fine). A bit of advice to these kinds of men, if you really want a girl’s attention be a gentleman not a pervert.

It may seem, I am frustrated but I am not. I just have truck load of sassy quotes for these kinds of situations and I have a separate folder called “Hopeless” in my phone where I keep screenshots of these kinds of conversations. Sometimes I say to myself, how would I entertain myself if people were not so stupid.

Anyway, I completely understand, not everyone is same. But looking for right person is like looking for aliens, you know they are out there somewhere but you just can’t find them.

To be continued (with a different perspective) …

Not ready to mingle !

 

Well since I am almost past the conventional expiry date of marriage, I get this question a lot – “Why are you not married?”. Well, I will share some real-life conversations to give you an idea -

This guy I found on a matrimonial site.

Guy – Where are you from?

Me – Indore

Guy – Cleanest city in India, I hope your heart is as clean as your city.

I mean seriously!

This one was a rich guy, goes on holidays abroad twice a year. We met on a coffee date for the first time. It was a heavy rainy day. He had the umbrella in his car but didn’t have the decency to get the umbrella for me. I was completely soaked while I walked 12 feet distance from my car to coffee shop. He brought 5-6 chocolates in a very small plastic box for me. According to him chocolates were from London. He gave me the chocolates and asked me to return the box. I could hardly sit through this half an hour-long coffee date and never talked to him after reaching home.

This is me talking to this guy for the first time.

Guy – rate yourself on having empathy to male friends...1 to 5...5 being the max.

Me – I don’t know...never thought about it

Guy – Ok..what do I do to make you marry me...talk to parents?

Me – You want to marry me without knowing anything about me?

Guy- I am 33...have less time in knowing someone

Me – I am 35

Guy – No issues with that. I will get to know you but more real bonding might happen after marriage...are you an intellectual person

Me- I don’t know what to say

Guy – Ok no problem...are you money minded?

Me – I actually have a headache so I think I will go.

 

What kind of questions were those!

 

Another one

 

Guy – Do you booze?

Me – Only occasionally

Guy – What is your favourite drink?

Me – Coconut Water

 

Men, they need to seriously grow up and honestly this passion for booze doesn’t turn us on. We already know most of you love booze, this is not something to brag. Bragging is childish, stupid and just not IT. Have you ever heard us bragging about eating wafers?

 

Here is another one

 

Guy – What is the craziest think you have done?

Me – I don’t know may be calling my ex-boss a bitch on Facebook, or may be hacking my ex’s Facebook account, or may be walking out of my final practical exam because the teacher was a bully.

Guy – That’s really crazy

Me – I know, the question itself is a crazy one.

 

I understand that you want to know that someone you might be dating is wild enough for you or not but question was quite teenagish. If you really want to know someone better, you need to be observant not stupid.

 

Another on tinder

 

Guy – Hi

Me – Hey, how are you doing?

Guy – Hi

Guy - Hello

Guy – Good morning

Guy – Hi, what are you doing?

Guy – Either talk or unmatch

Me – Unmatch

 

Well, here is an advice if you are just going to say Hi, Hello 5 times in a 10-minute conversation, no one is going to talk to you. Learn to say something!

 

 

Another guy after telling me that he has dated married/single all kinds of women –

 

Guy – I don’t judge people

Me - Right, I was reading this book and it described a real-life event, A man killed his whole family and after that committed suicide, he left a note saying that after his death a full autopsy should be performed on this brain. It was done, it came out that the man had a tumour which was constantly pushing his amygdala, in result making him angry all the time.

Guy – Ok

Yes, we should not judge people but if you are dating a happily married woman, be aware that if your wife/gf/sister was doing the same thing would you accept it? I personally would never want to be a home wrecker.

 

To be continued…

 

Sheru - The Wonder Dog

 

Let’s meet Sheru, The Wonder Dog. Our Sheru is an extremely good looking, notorious, playful and smart stray Dog. He has 2 siblings – Bhuri and Kallu, and some nephews and nieces. He is much like Amitabh Bachchan from Satte pe Satta. He loves his family, protects them at any cost but when it comes to food, he has to be the first one to eat. Rest of the family has to wait and watch until Sheru has finished eating and then they can have the left overs.

Dogification of a popular character is not the only quality our Sheru possesses. He is one of smartest dogs considering no one trained him for it. He wants to live a life of quiet and peace and chases away anything which he deemed a threat. Also, he can never be caught in the act.

The most extra ordinary thing about this Dog is, he protects his family more than most of humans do. One morning I couldn’t find Kallu when she was pregnant, I didn’t mention anything in dog language but Sheru somehow understood that I was looking for Kallu and started jumping up and down in front of me and then led me to Kallu, just like movies. Kallu had dug a hole beside our house and was ready to give birth. The next day there were 5 puppies and Sheru became a permanent resident of our street (which he wasn’t before that).

He started chasing away dogs and humans from puppies, no one except a few selected people could visit the puppies. I don’t know when and how this happened, but he trusted my family and allowed us to touch the puppies, to feed the puppies and to take care of puppies.

One day someone from neighborhood, started a small fire with scraps, somewhat near the place where these puppies were sleeping. Sheru just went mad, he started showing my mother the fire. At first my mother did not understand it because the fire was harmless but then it occurred to her that Sheru is worried about the puppies. He only calmed down when my mother went to check on puppies and told him that everything is fine.

When the puppies started walking Sheru has to keep a close eye on them. Whenever they were out in the open, he comes to our front gate and stays there until we have noticed it. When the puppies are playing in the streets, he chases away strangers or dog haters. He runs after them; he barks at them but he never bites them. Every night before going to sleep, he checks the perimeter. Runs a lap to spot any possible threats. He is the first one to come to puppies when they cry. All he is getting in return from most of humans are stones, sticks and abuse. He reminds me of soldiers and it’s just not because of his muscular physique. He stands in front of running cars so that the drivers have to drop down their speed. He sits at the middle of the road so that he can have his eyes everywhere. When at night we lock our front gate, he comes to us to say -  “sleep well now I will take care of the puppies”.

Now after child birth Kallu has become very weak, and we started giving her extra food. The food which Sheru was not getting, if you remember he is Amitabh Bachchan from Satte pe Satta. But somehow, he knew why Kallu needed more food so he did not make any objections.

Puppies have also started eating solid food. Sheru doesn’t hesitate to let them eat from his share. That’s just how much he loves the puppies. It has happened so many times that one of the puppies was lost for a while, whenever I go looking for them, Sheru just knows that something is wrong so he accompanies me. He doesn’t know what I am looking for because he can’t exactly count, but he knows, if I am frantic that might be because one of the puppies is lost.

It might be a plain story for most of the people but when you think about it; humans have written countless books on love, family, loyalty. Have made thousands of movies on that topic. Have created monuments for love. But at the end of the day it’s a dog who actually understands what true love and loyalty means.

 

Which MEAN GIRL are you?

Why good looking people always considered mean?

It is always expected from good looking and privileged people to be nice to people who are not as privileged as they are. We have always been taught that, we shouldn’t judge anyone or treat anyone differently because of their looks. But don’t privileged people expect the same behavior.

How many times less beautiful girls befriend more beautiful girls so that they can be the part of the squad and get something out of the popularity beautiful girls are getting. So that they can have their personality improved. So that they can learn a few tips from beautiful people. So that they can know what kind of creams, therapies, hair products beautiful girls are using. Well I have seen this all my life.

Our society is quite duplicitous, first they demand you to be beautiful then they call you mean if you are beautiful.

Once I tried to comfort a friend who was feeling really low because she was not beautiful enough. I told her why you are being so hard on yourself. Beauty isn’t everything. She said you will never understand, I replied I have flaws too. She was like really what are those – I said I have such bad teeth and she said it doesn’t matter because teeth are behind lips. Apparently it is okay to have flaws if you are not displaying them on showcase.

I was on a holiday and one of my fellow girls just started observing my flaws like my eyebrows are not made perfectly, my hairs not colored properly. She got me in a “not so bad” mood so I replied with a smile otherwise I would have replied – “Still better than yours” and I would become a mean girl instantly.

I have seen girls enjoying when boys make fun of beautiful girls saying that they are dumb. What guys know about girls? Girls only pretend to be dumb because they know guys are dumb enough to believe in this dumb act. But yes girls really enjoyed if a beautiful girl is called dumb. That’s like the ultimate truth for them and are pleased that boys are realizing it too

Why is it an offense to call a hard working woman just a house wife but it is not an offense to assume all working girls just sit there in office and get paid, when they face gender discrimination every minute, every second. P.S. whoever thinks gender discrimination doesn’t exist at their work place is either delusional or lying or very much ignorant.

Once a girl in office tried to get friendly with me. She started like this you are not married. It was not a question, it was a statement phrased like a sad little truth. Apparently she is married and younger than me. I wanted to say – and who married you? But instead said no, I am not. It did not end here, she went on asking – did you have your hair straightened? I said no why? And she said – well your hair look like they were damaged from straightening treatment. That was first time she was talking to me and she offended me two times. I think I am human enough to be allowed a bad hair day. I didn’t say anything but I made sure that everyone knew what she said to me. You see in order to deal with bitches you have to be a better bitch.

I don’t understand why is it rude to call fat people fat but it is a healthy joke if you tell a slim girl that “your mother is not feeding you properly”.  I remember my "healthy" friends being really happy about me putting on some weight. They were practically gloating that this girl is not going to be slim forever.  

I once had a friend who was really good looking, though she was proud of her looks, she wasn’t mean. She talked to everyone nicely, she helped everyone, and she considered everyone. She always made it perfectly clear that she was the most good looking person in the room (not in a bad way) but every girl enjoyed it when she had emotional breakdowns, someone offended her or if she suffered in any other ways. Tell me who is the meanest here. If all of us felt threatened by her beauty, it wasn’t her fault. We had a fallout (for very different reasons) and later she tried to make it up to me, may be if I were on her place I wouldn’t have the gut to do that. She was a thousand times human than any of us and still is.

Right from the Primary school, till this date. This has happened so many times with me – Girls wanted to be friends with me. They wanted to know my secret, which I don’t even know myself. Once they would realize that they have achieved the same level as me, they would start being mean to me, always giving me remarks like I have uneven teeth, I am too small, too skinny and so on. It’s not my problem if they thought they can beat me in some non-existent competition. I am just your next door girl who likes to have friends rather than followers. Followers are just the people who dreams of taking your place one day.

Some girls go above and beyond to insult girls who they want to follow in their personality development journey. Once a girl asked me to go shopping with her because I have great dressing sense. I asked her for what occasion she was shopping; she said she is buying stuff for her sister because her sister was supposed to attend a wedding. I spend 2-3 hours with her; she kept taking me from shop to shop without buying anything I recommended. I was exhausted and told her I am going home. She insisted on going to another mall which was at the opposite end of the city, when I said no, she tried emotional blackmailing on me. I still left.  After a few days I came to know from our common friend that the shopping girl is getting married in a few days and she didn’t even invite me. Well she didn’t exactly lie about her sister attending a wedding. I don’t need to ask who is the mean girl here.

I was once blocked by a girl because she thought I was good looking and mean, she didn’t even try to give me benefit of doubt. I have been accused of being sophisticated while I consider myself quite feral. It’s not my problem if you can’t keep up with being like me. I did not ask you to be like me. I am an INFJ and “being me” is exhausting. I don’t understand why anyone would choose to be that on purpose.

I have 3 elder sisters and I am the ugliest but I don’t blame them for hijacking all the good DNAs. I just try to do best with what I have got. I am 36 and single but I don’t blame my married friends for holding onto good guys. I feel optimistic that there were some good guys so there might be more.

How many times we have seen girls sabotage their relationships with each other because of being in competition with each other over looks? How can we compete with Men in this gender biased society when we are always pushing each other in corner over something so fleeting as looks?

I don’t mind being called mean; it might be a problem for everyone else but not for me.

Life is mean to everyone in general, no one is that privileged.

We live in a mean world which is hell bent on dividing people in different categories. Whichever category you belong to it doesn’t give you any right to be mean to the other category.

Age is not just a number

 

All of us often feel nostalgic; every now and then. We catch ourselves thinking about the good times but is the good time was really a good time? Scientists say – “Our perception of the world is deeply imperfect, our brains only bother to remember a tiny piece of what we actually experience, and every time we remember something we have the potential to change the memory we are accessing.”

I am 36 and just taking a look back at my life. Do I wanna go back to a certain time? Let’s see –

Before Teenage

My childhood was amazing. We used to live in a close community, I had so many friends in fact I had so many different groups of friends, I was a popular kid, I can’t say if everyone liked me or not but I had a good impression on almost everyone. We enjoyed all the festivals, all the seasons, all the occasions. I was good at school, I played a lot, I fought a lot and I was in trouble a lot.

Let’s face it those were good days but I was a kid, I was banned from almost everything, everything I did led to trouble, I was cute but always dirty, I spent days without taking a shower, I couldn’t even go to next door without asking permission, there was a timetable for playing, for watching T.V., for having breakfast/lunch/dinner, and every now and then people would come to my parents complaining about my behaviour. My friends kind of hated me because I was popular. My sisters were always mocking me just because I was the youngest (though they took very good care of me but whatever, it was their duty).  I had to cry a lot to get toys and dolls and stuff.

But do I want to go back to being a child, I don’t think anyone really want to.

Teenage

So my teenage was exactly opposite of my childhood. I was living in a small town, in a secluded office campus with almost no neighbors at least none of my age. Everyone around me had a funny accent and I did not have any accent, the way I talked, the way I walked everything I did was alien to them. I was popular but in a ghostly way. Everyone knew me but I had very few friends. Cricket was everything to me; I was a living cricket encyclopedia. Crazy about Rahul Dravid. I think he was my first hero in every possible imaginable way. I was day dreaming a lot (who doesn’t), some of it I still remember and frankly it is embarrassing.

I moved to a different city for my college and first couple of years were total nightmare. You can imagine one day living a privileged life with everyone taking care of you and suddenly you are in a girl’s hostel. You will know it if you have lived in a place where everyone is sharpening their nails, baring their teeth, jumping on their toes, prepping their tongue waiting for you to make just one tiny winy small mistake. As if it wasn’t enough to be surrounded by soul eater wraiths, the hostel owners had a very complicated family tree (if you know what I mean). Well it was kind of living in a Big Boss house without AC, hot water and comfy couch..you see worse than Big Boss house. College was not any better. In first year of engineering, students are always looking down so much that they have no idea what is going on around them. I felt like a lost puppy.

So I don’t have to tell you that I don’t want to go back being a teenager. As a girl in teenage you are awkward when your crush is around (Okay that doesn’t have anything to do with teenage), you don’t know how to live inside your body, even if you have good dressing sense you are forced by your parents and siblings to wear something less cool, you are not able to express yourself, you live in a bubble and later in your teenage that bubble is about to go pop. In my opinion teenage is the worst time of your life, End of story.

20-25

Hmmm....this is the best time and worst time together.  I switched my place, made good friends, beginning to understand ways of the world. My Rahul Dravid obsession still continued. Everyone thought I was different – good way or bad way I still don’t know. I was able to keep up with college stuff. I had a good time. But you win one battle and there is another.

Job – I was good at aptitude but not good at interviews. I was rejected in final round of almost all interviews (I couldn’t make it to the finals for at least some). I actually once went to Grand Hyatt Mumbai for a job interview and accidentally walked into a wedding ceremony. Everyone just stopped doing everything and they were glaring at my formal suit. Their eyes were yelling – Girl you are at wrong place. Anyways I did not get an offer letter even after clearing the HR round so I suppose I was rejected. I accepted a low paying job in a city which was far from where all my friends were and I accepted it with all my heart. I did well in my job but it wasn’t well paid. All my sisters got married. I did not yet have a boy friend. Whenever I liked someone they were unavailable, whenever someone liked me I did not like them back. Also most of the guys saw me as a temporary girlfriend material I have no idea why. Out of all my male friends, I ever had, I think there are only 2-3 who did not approach me as a rebound, ridiculous right!

Do I want to go back to that time? Well I went through a lot of phases during this time and always came out stronger. A lot of people still remember me whenever they see some news about Rahul Dravid (Talk about obsession).  I was independent but I did not have much money and at this age you can’t ask your parents for money so that you can spend it at your leisure for your pleasure.  I had a kleptomaniac for a roommate whose father was in police department, ironic right! This is the time of your life when you have the potential but no one wants to give you a chance. You have money but not enough for anything useful. You have got no emotional support because all your friends are busy in spending the little money they have got. No I don’t want to go back to that time. I am totally done with it. It feels like a badly planned holiday.

25-30

These are the most less productive years of my life. I was back with my family in a new city. A city so lively that it sometimes makes me want to murder someone. I was in a relationship which drove me into depression. I was switching jobs faster than I can get one. I literally walked out of 4 jobs because I simply did not feel like continuing. I had very little patience and very high temper. I insulted almost everyone I crossed path with. I even called one of my ex-bosses a Bitch on Facebook in a Public post.  I tossed away a very good future prospect. All I care about was just make an impossible relationship work somehow. 

Obviously I do not want to go back to that time because all this time I felt like a complete idiot who was getting stupider with age. With the help of some good books and a very supportive family I managed to get out of the relationship. I managed to get a decent job. I managed to get back on track. But no never in my life again.

30s

Now I can say that I am good at my job; I am earning, saving and contributing to my family. I am more patient now. Now I am only swearing on people’s back. I can afford holidays, high maintenance, hobbies, books and bookshelves, gym and other things. I bought a car on my own. Learnt to drive. Now I can smell a bad relationship from miles away. I have less but good friends. I feel so content that I can focus on helping others. I am taking care of stray dogs. I try not to get in unnecessary arguments. I block/mute everyone who gives me negative vibes. I help younger people by distributing them torrent downloaded movies and tv shows. (If feels good when younger generation asks you for internet stuff). Now I sometimes watch football and I can not stand watching cricket.

Well I say 30s is the golden age of your life. You officially have a right to think that everyone who is younger is stupid because you are quite mature now.  You can order green tea when everyone else is ordering booze without feeling like a total freak. You are now able to insult people in subtle, sophisticated manner. You are able to get yourself out of most of the situations because you have been through hell. You can completely support yourself as well as others. You look your best (at least in your early 30s). You finally know what to do with all the wit you have got. 

May be when I am in my 40s, I wouldn't want to go back to my 30s at all.

Whoever told you that “Age is just a number” was wrong. It is journey of your life through the no. of years which we call Age. It is our journey from ignorance to maturity, from nobody to somebody, from impulse to understanding, from denial to acceptance..umm well of course for so many of us it’s vice versa but whatever it is, it is our life experience don’t insult it by calling just a number.