Comfort Zone !

 

Few days ago, my colleague asked me – “Have you been writing anything?”. I said “No because currently I am not angry about anything”. Anyway only a few people read my blog and they do it out of fear of being mentioned in it. I guess it must have been a very uncomfortable experience for them who read it and they were in it.

I just read something very intriguing today – “Your subconscious mind is the gatekeeper of your comfort zone.” And it clicked to me why not talk about comfort zones.

I am a very laid-back person. I hope it never happens again (for other people’s sake) but lock down (not covid) was a golden period of my life. It has been almost 2 years and I am still not out of locked down mode. People ask me don’t you get bored being at home all the time? If it was in my control, I wouldn’t even get out of my room. Home is a big territory.

My sister always says to me, you have to get out of your comfort zone, you got to meet people, you should get involved with people. Yeah, I am not a people person and if I was meeting anyone unwillingly that would put them in a very very uncomfortable zone.

Once my brother-in-law dragged me to a group of dancing people in a wedding  at a marriage garden, you know what happened, I fell down in the middle of the group of  unknown people because of high heels, that was out of my comfort zone. Why those are called marriage garden anyway, are we supposed to go jogging there, no one wear sports shoes there why they have such uneven grounds, it should be called marriage desert. 

My cousin went on a holiday recently and she didn’t ask me. And I am not bothered I know why didn’t she ask me because it was a 10 days holiday. She knows I can’t be away from my home’s comfort for 10 days. On 3^rd day I am whiny, on 4^th day I am grumpy, on 5^th day I am sarcastic and after that I am angry all the way and no one wants to be with me when I am angry. When I am miserable, I make everyone around me miserable, that’s the one thing I don’t like to do alone. 

I planned a solo holiday in fact I have been planning a holiday for 2 years which involves going to any peaceful city for 2 days which has direct air connectivity from my home town, booking a lavish hotel and never get out of my hotel room, not even for food, why do they have room service anyway. But that didn't happen because finding a peaceful city, booking a hotel and booking tickets is too much trouble for me. The only tickets I like to book is for movies. Yeah, I can get out of my comfort zone for movies. 

I spent about 2 years in Jaipur and once I was all set to watch a very disturbing Bollywood movie with my colleagues on first day first show at “Rajmandir”. It was a time when you have to actually go to the movie hall to book tickets so I was in this queue for 2 hours and I was supposed to buy tickets for 10 people and guess what?,  I didn’t get it. It really hurt my ego so I went to another movie hall and stood in the queue for about 1 hour and got tickets for everyone for an evening show. I was still not out of my comfort zone but then I watched the movie and it made me uncomfortable to my bones. If anyone is interested to know which movie it was, it was – “Tashan”. Yeah, I have seen so many terrible Bollywood movies that one day I decided I had enough and I haven’t seen a Bollywood movie in 10 years. 

Interestingly that’s not the only reason I stopped watching Bollywood movies. I was going through a rough breakup and I realized that watching Bollywood movies or listening Bollywood songs was making it wrose. They make you emotional to verge of wanting to commit suicide. I decided that it was not good for my mental health and I never regretted that decision so I started a Hollywood rampage and I got my favorite comfort zone. Now I watch the same movie again and again countless times. My most watched movie comfort zones are “Batman Begins” (because Christian Bale looks so damn hot in it) and “Age of Ultron” (I don’t even know why I like this movie so much). If I am watching something on TV, I am watching one of those 2 things. I love my comfort zones. 

I have another comfort zone – Books. I have read Harry Potter the whole series 10 times, that was my only bucket list item I was able to check off. 

My parents are concerned, they are beginning to say at least start going to the office, go for a walk. I say – you guys have no idea how blessed you are to have a daughter who doesn’t go anywhere with anyone, who just sits and reads and does something on her laptop, doesn’t eat much, doesn’t bother anyone much, doesn’t talk much. Everyone wishes to have a daughter like me. 

My sister and brother-in-law used to ask me a lot whenever they were going out of the house in the evening. I always have the same reply – “No, I am showered.”. Once my brother-in-law asked me – “So what’s wrong with getting out of the house after taking shower”. Well, everything, I didn’t clean up to get all the dirt all over me. You know how much polluted this country is. So, they started asking me things like – “Do you want us to bring something for you – Ice cream or anything to eat”, and obviously I would say – “No because I would have brushed my teeth by the time you guys will be back”. They said – “We will be back before 10”. I said – “I would have brushed my teeth by 8:30”. They said – “It is okay to break the routine once in a while” and I said – “Why? Look how gorgeous I am, routine has been serving me right so far, why would I want to break it?”. You see my routine is my comfort zone. It gives me peace and joy. 

There is another reason for me to not go out. Because in order to get out, I have to change clothes. That’s too much work for me; not changing the clothes, deciding what to wear. If the occasion is not important, I am going choose an outfit which goes with my intimates but if it is an important occasion, I have to choose intimates which goes with my outfit. And all women know how difficult that is and how much efforts it requires. 

If anyone asks me out – my perfect reply is I don’t know where that place is? I am not driving. Yeah, I know we have google maps but I don’t’ understand a word it says. It’s like Klingon to me and I am not bothering to understand it otherwise I would lose my perfect excuse to not get out of the house. 

I have been working in the same place for 10 years, it’s not that I can’t get a better a job, it’s just that I don’t want to. This is about loyalty and more than that this is about not leaving my comfort zone. 

I am a woman, I walk in high heels, I have to be cautious no matter what I am wearing, I have to deflect all the unwarranted flirting, I have to deal with cat fights, I have to be alert all the time, I have to be presentable almost all the time, I have to mind my manners almost all the time (though I don’t). We women live out of our comfort zone every second of our lives. I don’t understand what the fuss is about. I am living my dream life. I am living most of the people’s dream life. My life is easy and effortless. Social interaction exhausts me. It hurts my jaw to put on a fake smile and make small talk. I am not good at small talk. If you want to talk to me, you should have material worth of minimum 2 hours of talk time.

Almost a year ago, I really got out of my comfort zone and did something incredibly not expected from me, ever since I am out of my comfort zone and that taught me you make memories when you are out of your comfort zone. That’s why it is so important to get out of it every once in a while, not always.