Be Positive

 Yeah, that’s my blood group – B+, but I am not here to talk about that.

People make it sound so easy – “Be Positive”. You just have to think positive thoughts, that's it, so easy, right! No, it's not easy, when you are dealing with life it is not easy, maybe it is easy when you are living in a forest or a mountain but not when you are surrounded by people. You can't live in this physical world and be positive 100% of the time.

You can train your body easily; it is difficult to train your mind. I will tell you why, till the age 7 human mind is in Theta state all the time. Theta is a receiving state of mind, where your subconscious easily absorbs beliefs and thoughts. Billions of your beliefs are fed by outside sources without your consent. How can you possibly change your thought process if you don't know if it is yours or someone else's. You can only be happy if you are educated, you are married, you have children, you have money, you have a job. This certainly makes life super easy; it might sometime make you happy, but does it make you feel fulfilled. Have you ever questioned that? If you haven’t then you are following beliefs and thought patterns the society has imposed on you. Society has imposed zillions of limits on you that there are only specific ways you can be happy. How can you be positive all the time if there are only a number of ways you can be happy?

Imagine your mind is a radio and someone else has the control to the tuner and you are forced to listen music/noice you don't like. Would you not like to have the control of the tuner so you can only listen to a peaceful harmony?

I have an analytical mind (most women do, that’s how they find out what you were doing at what time with who), it's in my DNA, my father has analytical mind so does my sister. I used to think it was blessing but as they say – “Ignorance is a bliss”. You have to learn when your analytical mind is serving you and when it is sabotaging you. I also have strong intuition but because of my analytical mind I always find the worst possible outcome and I can’t differentiate between my intuition and fears. Most of the time fears win, you keep focusing on "what if this bad thing happens", thinking it is your intuition and your subconscious mind is like – “Oh do you want it to happen, I will make it happen”. Because subconscious mind is responsible 90% of the time for what happens to us and it gives us what we focus on. How can you expect it to give you positive results if you have been feeding it limiting beliefs and negative thoughts?

You can try saying positive affirmation like – “good things always happen to me” but do you really believe in those affirmations because if you don’t you will always feel resistance and your subconscious will never believe that. Can you control your thinking when your mind is on autopilot? Do you realize when your mind is on autopilot? Can you even tell the difference when you are thinking rationally and when you are thinking negative?

Try mindfulness but in this digital age, can you keep concentration on one thing for a long time? We take out our smartphones in 10 minutes after talking to someone face to face.

People make it sound very simple but you can't expect billions of thinking pattern to change in a few days by thinking positive thoughts, it may work for a while but once things start going south, you will fall into the same pattern. 

Then what do we do?

Let’s sort out first, why do we even want to think positive? So that positive things can happen to us and we feel good, right? Why are we so afraid of negative experiences? We don't ask God when good things happen to us - "why me?", then why do we lose faith when bad things happen. Positive experiences and negative experiences are part of physical world. What's important is which one do you use to define yourself. Get out of victim mindset. Stop perceiving yourself as a victim of circumstances. 

Let’s suppose somehow you have achieved thinking positive state, what happens when something opposite happens? You forcefully try to stay positive. This creates resistance in your body and it creates all the unwanted sensations inside your mind and body. What do you do then? If you have seen “Doctor Strange”, you do exactly what The Ancient One asked Doctor Strange to do – “Surrender, Stephen”. Yes, you surrender and you accept that this situation is making me feel in a negative way but it doesn’t change what I am within. That removes resistance and opens your mind for positive thoughts. When you surrender you might not get the power of fighting negative feeling but you certainly get the power of embracing it with an open heart. The strength lies in accepting what you are feeling, accepting that it's okay to feel that way, give time to yourself whenever needed.

For instance,

If you are going through grief, allow yourself to grieve. Remember what Vision said – “What is grief, if not love persevering?”. 

You can cry when you are feeling an abundance of emotions. There is another limiting belief imposed by the society – “Men don’t cry”. Have you ever questioned – “Why?”. Because it is not a manly thing? What does it exactly mean by “being a man”? Last time I checked we were all humans. Crying doesn’t mean weakness; it helps in releasing negative energy out of your body. Just don’t overdo it to a point that it starts consuming your positive energy. Suppressed emotion can cause you physical ailments. You can write down how you are feeling and burn it. You can lock yourself in a room and scream at top of your voice. Surrender to it, feel it and then let it go. 

Someone is pissing you off. If you can't stoop low to their level, just keep your ego aside and leave them alone with their demons.

Let’s not get sidetracked. We were talking about being positive. So am I saying that it is hard to stay positive?  I don’t believe in hard work. You shouldn’t be afraid of working hard when it is absolutely necessary but hardwork doesn’t always pay off, persistence does, determination does. You shouldn’t be afraid of failing at it, failing at being positive, you should be able to get back on track after each failure. As said in Batman Begins – “Why do we fall, Bruce? So, we can learn to pick ourselves up.”

That’s about how you deal with negative thoughts but what about how you get rid of negative thoughts.

There is a rather easy way to stay positive. Quoted by Neville Goddard – “Feeling is the secret”. Focus on feeling positive not exactly thinking positive. Positive feelings raise your vibrations way faster than positive thoughts do, which as a result gives you a positive energy. When you surround yourself with positive energy, people around you also get affected by it.

You can do that by doing simple things. Think about things and experiences that fills your heart with positive feelings - nature, kids, a pet, rain, food (if that works for you), cars, music (not sad, something which gives you goosebumps), movies, books whatever lifts your spirit.

Your work is driving you crazy, think about all the happy memories and good friends you ever had there. If you can't think of anything, well buddy! you need to change your workplace. People ask me why I haven't changed my job after all these years, well honestly, I joined my current workplace when I was feeling the lowest, I have felt in my life. This job was a ray of sunshine and I can never forget it. I have had so many good moments here which always weighs up when I think about money and work stress. I started as a developer, now I am a Project Manager, and all my fellow PMs, we don’t demean each other, we help each other, we support each other, we enjoy each other’s company. Where else I am going to get that environment. Since I have spent quite a few years here, I have worked with different teams and all of them were great, really great at gossip. I mean what else do you need in office?

Your loved ones are driving you crazy, think about all the good memories you had with them. Try to remember the feeling you felt in those times. 

For me, it's dogs, they can make me feel loved and fulfilled any time of the day. All the dogs I have ever had friends with because they taught me how to love unconditionally, to be happy for simple things. In their eyes, I am the best human being in the whole world. I am single but if I had a partner, I would like him to be as much happy to see me every day as my dogs are and I would want me to be as happy to see him as I am when I see my dogs.  

Whenever you look at the mirror, look within your soul and smile. Appreciate yourself for all the small selfless or selflove stuff you have done. Appreciate your life for giving you so many good moments. Life is not all about big achievement, it's also about those fractions of seconds which made you feel fulfilled. Maybe you held someone's eyes and felt a connection. Maybe it’s the way someone holds your hand. Maybe when someone asked you - "Are you okay" and you wanted to say - "I wasn't until you asked me". Maybe you thanked someone and it made their day. Maybe it was a stranger who helped you unexpectedly. Maybe it was a shopkeeper who gave you a discount. Maybe it was your friend listening to your rants at 2 AM. Maybe it was a family member who always have your back (just try and forget about how many times they piss you off). If someone was not good to you, remember the important life lesson they gave you. 

I bet you can find uncountable moments in your life to feel good about. 

When you are filled with positive emotions, it is easy to think positive things. When you give positive thoughts and feelings to your subconscious mind it gives you positive experiences. When you have that kind of vibration, you get clarity what do you truly want from your life which is not clouded by all the limited standards society has imposed on you. 

I always thought I was a negative person but when I tried feeling positive on purpose, I realized, how can I be a negative person. I always believed that everything happens for a reason and it always either gives you a positive experience or it gives you a lesson or insight. How can a negative person think that? 

You can only make others happy when happiness comes from within you. No one is responsible for your happiness, only you are. That you can't do alone with thinking positive, you have to feel positive to feel happy from the inside. 

Remember what Dumbledore said - "Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."

But don’t just aim for happiness, happiness flickers through positive and negative experiences. Aim for fulfilment and you won’t be falling into the rabbit hole with a couple of negative experiences. Surround yourself with people who don't just give you love and happiness, but fulfillment.