Sunday, May 15, 2022

The cost of doing The Right Stuff ...?

 

If you are up to something good, why there are a thousand obstacle in your path and 99% probability of failure? If you are up to no good, why it is so easy and almost all the time achievable?

Once I was taking an aptitude test for one of the major IT companies in an open campus. There was a guy sitting opposite to me, who I barely knew. When the aptitude test was about to finish, this guy asked me to show my answer sheet and I did because I was pretty confident that I am not going to get through and I did not get through the test but that guy did.

When I decided to take care of stray dogs, almost everyone in the neighborhood was angry with me. Fortunately, I am always angrier than them so they really couldn’t stand up against me. Good for the dogs. I still had to go through a lot of shouting matches with people I didn’t know. In 2 years, I have seen 15 puppies and 3 adult dogs dying, even after caring for them day and night. All those dogs were my source of happiness. In this world, this how you get paid when you love and care for someone.

I used to be a very adjusting person, when I was away from home living in hostel, I realized girls were ready to walk all over you if you were nice.

I am an INFJ and I can easily empathize with people; sometimes this has made me stand up for people I don’t really care for. It has happened to me so many times that I started a fight for someone and I continued fighting for that someone even when they left the fight and I became the bad person. I sabotaged my relationship with people I was fighting with.

People with fake smiles and sweet talk, no one really likes them but still they are surrounded by people. However genuine and authentic people are boring, no one pays them any attention.

How many times it has happened that you gave people a favor but when it was time to return that favor, they just couldn’t do it.

We have been always taught we should be kind, we should empathize with others, we should be compassionate but are these qualities really worth it. Do they ever make you successful in your life? How many successful people do you know who truly possessed these qualities? You can be kind and compassionate after reaching your goal but your journey doesn’t need these qualities.

Do you get a promotion for working hard or do you get a promotion to make everyone believe that you worked hard?

People just don’t like it, if you are a better human being than them. First, they will complement you for your kindness, then they will say you are crazy because you care too much.

As you grow up, similar incidents have happened to you so many times that you feel detached, you don’t want to care for anyone except yourself. You really don’t know who is your friend and who is your enemy. Everyone out there is ready to take advantage of your good heart. Helping people may make you feel good for a short time but what effect does it have over you in a long run? It may make you feel good about yourself for a while but is it enough? Don't you expect the same compassion and empathy from others? Doesn't sometimes you are left feeling exhausted doing the right stuff without being paid off?

Do you believe in Gandhigiri? Do you think if you clean after someone who is constantly spitting, they would stop it? I think this country would have been really clean if that happened.

Do you believe in Karma? Do you believe what goes around, comes around? Have you ever seen that happened? How many times people have screwed you over and you thought someday they will suffer for it? But when the day finally came, did you care? Did it give you the satisfaction you needed? Did the other person know, what they were suffering for? How the Karma is justified if above questions are not answered.

May be what we think is right, is wrong and what we think is wrong, is right. May be there is no right or wrong. May be the world doesn’t work the way we thought it did. May be not having conscience is not so wrong.

Saturday, April 30, 2022

Don't look up ... !

 

The average man will spend almost 43 minutes a day staring at ten different women, according to researchers at Kodak Lens Vision Centres who polled 3,000 people. This means that over the course of a year, men spend up to 259 hours checking out women. Over the course of their adult life, this makes a grand total of 11 months and 11 days. A year of their life is a long time to spend with their eyes fixed on the opposite sex.


So, the question is why Men stare at women so much like they are looking at them for the first time in their life. What do they think they can achieve by it? We have been living together on this planet for thousands of years, why are we still such a mystery to them?

I remember being stared at since the day I became conscious of myself, now I am 37 years old and it still hasn’t stopped. At this point I have to say that I really got bored with it, it has become quite a turn off now. If you want to talk just talk, we don’t bite. We will certainly think of you as a creep if you are going to spend eternity staring at us without uttering a word. Has any girl ever ended up being in a relationship with a guy who was creepily staring at her? I don’t think so.

I once went to admit my mother to a hospital. I was wearing a completely opaque net top because I came straight from somewhere else. The doctor was explaining me my mother’s situation and suddenly I caught him staring at my top. You would think that someone whose job is to operate on other people’s body, must be more subtle about these things but the doctor wasn’t. I caught myself thinking what does he think he can see, the top was completely opaque then it occurred to me maybe he was wondering why can’t he see a damn thing, nets are supposed to be transparent.

Whatever, I think it’s not about clothes, I remember being stared at when I used to drive my scooty to work wearing summer coat, scarf that covers almost whole face and neck area, sunglasses to cover eyes, stalkings to cover feet, cotton gloves to cover arms. Even I could not recognize myself. But Men were still staring, again might be wondering why can’t they see a damn thing.

And few years back I had an upgrade and I started using the car to get to my workplace and now men peek through car window just because it’s a cinema and they got the balcony seat.

It is bad when you are being stared at by strangers and worse when you are being stared at by someone who you see on daily basis, with random strangers you at least don’t have to ignore the same person every day. But suppose you are at the gym or office and you notice someone who is constantly staring at you every day, you try to avoid the uneasy feeling by giving them a small smile and trust me this is the most unfortunate thing you would do. Don’t ever give a small smile to a creeper thinking that it would make them less creep, if you do that you are entering a series of very uncomfortable and meaningless conversations. You won’t be able to make head or tail of it.

Obviously, it has happened to me on several occasions but this one is quite recent. I started going to the gym and there was one man, who I found creepy since Day 1. He would just keep staring at me like he was a 3-year-old and I was Ice Pops. I thought maybe if I would return the smile, he would believe that I was real and would become less creepy.

That’s the most regrettable thing I have ever done. He still kept staring at me and now the stare was accompanied by series of infuriating questions – What’s your name? What do you do? Are you married? What do you eat in the morning? Why do you have a personal trainer? When finally, the interrogation stopped, he said to me the strangest thing. He said I think you are very fond of hair. I said, what’s that supposed to mean and he said this is my observation, you like long hair but your hair doesn’t grow fast.

I already had waist length hair. I didn’t know I was aspiring to be a middle-aged Rapunzel.

And finally, to the point, you already have great figure. And I was back to avoiding him. One day it was very difficult for me to ignore him, he took advantage of the situation and said – looks like you are angry about something. Well take the hint.

Now I am the one who is observing if he is anywhere near by, if he is, I bury myself in my phone.

Thousands of years of evolutions and still people can’t keep their shit to themselves.

Please just understand, you don’t say these kinds of things to someone who you are talking to for the first time. You should know that if the other person is ready to give you the consent to get personal or not?

Here is the thing we like getting complements, everyone does, but not in this creepy way. I will tell you what happens when we hear these kind of complements, it feels like you are living in someone else’s skin and both you and that someone else is feeling uncomfortable.

When you are a student, you don’t mind these things much because you are mostly surrounded by people of your own age or maybe you don’t have the sense to understand what is happening but when you are at a work place, things can go really weird because the age group you are surrounded by is quite diverse. I have been working at the same place for about 10 years now. When I first joined, I was younger so I was being stared at by seniors and peers, now I am older and being stared by seniors, peers and juniors. Anyway, Once I had to work at a different location for a couple of months for a project. Those were the most awkward couple of months of my life. I was mostly surrounded by Men and since I was there for only a short period of time, I did not want to interact much with them, but I didn’t know I would become such a mystery to them. If I shifted in my chair, they would stare at me, if I moved my head, they would stare at me, if they were talking to each other, they would stare at me, if someone was talking to me, they would stare at me, if they were having a private joke, they would stare at me. I spent the couple of months keeping my chair low, and head down all the time. I felt like I was some endangered species, locked in a zoo.

By staring you may think that you are appreciating how we look but it makes us less appreciate ourselves. If you want to appreciate us, just say the words but yeah...without being creepy. Because of all this ogling, now I have adapted a habit of ignoring everyone and I am pretty sure, I have lost at least a couple of good prospects because of my habit of ignoring everyone.

I guess we are all waiting for the day, when ogling would go out of fashion.

Thursday, April 14, 2022

Not ready to mingle - Part 2

I am back with some more real-life events, these are just so above the bar.

I first met this guy on a matrimonial site, he sent me a request and I accepted it. He was from IIM and that’s his identity, the boy from IIM. Apparently, he thinks I am not educated enough to know anyone else from IIM. He could only talk about 2 topics IIM tales and how hot I am. 

We hadn’t met yet and he says to me he looks like Virat Kohli, was I supposed to be impressed because I wasn’t. I don’t find Virat Kohli impressive as a person, as a cricketer or as a celebrity, I am more of a Rahul Dravid kind of person. I am into reliable, dependable men. So, he played that one wrong.

Anyway, we met and he realizes that he likes me but he can’t marry me because he is from IIM and I am from some engineering college. I understand some people want their partner to be their equal but he also previously rejected a girl from a very prestigious education institute because she was very ambitious, to this day I can’t understand what is wrong with that. He earns double than me, it doesn’t matter if he had to spend 75% of it on education loan and also, I am a few months older than him. What amazes me he still wants to date me, because maybe I don’t hold up to his standards but I am still hot. Baby, I have been living with myself for 37 years. I am perfectly aware of my own hotness and the hotter I may get if surrounded by idiots.

Once he was talking to me on the phone while driving, suddenly he says – Oh my god! Such short skirts! and I asked him where are you? He says at the signal – some school girls are crossing the road. And I never really talked to him again. People like him needs to understand objectifying every girl in the vicinity is not cool, specially when you are 35 years old and the girl is in school. It doesn’t matter how much horny you are, it is just unacceptable.

This guy, he is also in IT, works in an MNC. At first, he seems nice, it was easy to converse with him, I was not annoyed by him, I was taking things slow but he wanted to move on to censored topics of conversation. He could have said something quite different but what he says is – “Today I went to a temple with my whole family. I was so shocked what my 13 years old cousin was wearing, that too inside a temple. Now a days teenagers are just so sexually active”. I just hung up and never talked to him again.

I am an INFJ and I judge people too fast, maybe it’s one of my faults but I am never going to give benefit of doubt to paedophiles and perverts.

This guy I met on a dating site, is in Airforce. Should be a gentleman, right? Well, if education can’t give you sensibility how the hell your profession can.

First time I talked to him, I could talk for hardly 2 mins and after putting down the phone he messages me – I miss you. What did you really miss about me, a 2 hour long imaginary conversation?

Second time I told him; I can’t talk to you because I have a headache. He says- let me make you some tea. Seriously! at middle age, he is going to play kitchen set with me because I haven’t done that for 30 years. I am not sure how many technological advances are made every day but I am perfectly aware that no technology exist which can deliver hot tea in time from Hyderabad to Indore, for someone who is going to have a 100% real Migraine.

He is messaging me – I just came out of shower and I am dripping wet. Let me stop you right there, I talked to you only once on phone, I don’t even know yet if I am slightly interested in you. If I really want to fantasize about someone I have never met, that would rather be Chris Pine.

Well fortunately at very initial level all this stops because he blocked me, I somehow managed to turn him off. Well, good riddance. Did I declare victory too soon? Yes, I did. He found me on Telegram and sent me some messages which I ignored. After a few months he again sends hi/hellos on WhatsApp. I realized that he blocked me, but I didn’t block him, I didn’t know I had to because I have never been on the other side of this blockchain. Anyways I say to him – I think you have insulted me enough, now please stop bothering me and he says - I lost all my phone contacts so I just wanted to know who this person is. Now I blocked him. This guy really needs to grow up if he is still losing all contacts from his phone. I just don’t understand, if he is dumb or he thinks I am dumb so he can act like he is dumb. 

It is expected from well-educated, well-placed people to be sensible and well-mannered but I am sorry not sorry but, in my experience, overqualified people are toxic.  Chivalry is dead and these men have killed it.

So don’t ask me why I am single, ask these men what is wrong with them.

These guys need to understand, some girls run on high maintenance, some on high morals and some on both (which is completely fine). A bit of advice to these kinds of men, if you really want a girl’s attention be a gentleman not a pervert.

It may seem, I am frustrated but I am not. I just have truck load of sassy quotes for these kinds of situations and I have a separate folder called “Hopeless” in my phone where I keep screenshots of these kinds of conversations. Sometimes I say to myself, how would I entertain myself if people were not so stupid.

Anyway, I completely understand, not everyone is same. But looking for right person is like looking for aliens, you know they are out there somewhere but you just can’t find them.

To be continued (with a different perspective) …


Sunday, March 6, 2022

Not ready to mingle !

 

Well since I am almost past the conventional expiry date of marriage, I get this question a lot – “Why are you not married?”. Well, I will share some real-life conversations to give you an idea -

This guy I found on a matrimonial site.

Guy – Where are you from?

Me – Indore

Guy – Cleanest city in India, I hope your heart is as clean as your city.

I mean seriously!

This one was a rich guy, goes on holidays abroad twice a year. We met on a coffee date for the first time. It was a heavy rainy day. He had the umbrella in his car but didn’t have the decency to get the umbrella for me. I was completely soaked while I walked 12 feet distance from my car to coffee shop. He brought 5-6 chocolates in a very small plastic box for me. According to him chocolates were from London. He gave me the chocolates and asked me to return the box. I could hardly sit through this half an hour-long coffee date and never talked to him after reaching home.

This is me talking to this guy for the first time.

Guy – rate yourself on having empathy to male friends...1 to 5...5 being the max.

Me – I don’t know...never thought about it

Guy – Ok..what do I do to make you marry me...talk to parents?

Me – You want to marry me without knowing anything about me?

Guy- I am 33...have less time in knowing someone

Me – I am 35

Guy – No issues with that. I will get to know you but more real bonding might happen after marriage...are you an intellectual person

Me- I don’t know what to say

Guy – Ok no problem...are you money minded?

Me – I actually have a headache so I think I will go.

 

What kind of questions were those!

 

Another one

 

Guy – Do you booze?

Me – Only occasionally

Guy – What is your favourite drink?

Me – Coconut Water

 

Men, they need to seriously grow up and honestly this passion for booze doesn’t turn us on. We already know most of you love booze, this is not something to brag. Bragging is childish, stupid and just not IT. Have you ever heard us bragging about eating wafers?

 

Here is another one

 

Guy – What is the craziest think you have done?

Me – I don’t know may be calling my ex-boss a bitch on Facebook, or may be hacking my ex’s Facebook account, or may be walking out of my final practical exam because the teacher was a bully.

Guy – That’s really crazy

Me – I know, the question itself is a crazy one.

 

I understand that you want to know that someone you might be dating is wild enough for you or not but question was quite teenagish. If you really want to know someone better, you need to be observant not stupid.

 

Another on tinder

 

Guy – Hi

Me – Hey, how are you doing?

Guy – Hi

Guy - Hello

Guy – Good morning

Guy – Hi, what are you doing?

Guy – Either talk or unmatch

Me – Unmatch

 

Well, here is an advice if you are just going to say Hi, Hello 5 times in a 10-minute conversation, no one is going to talk to you. Learn to say something!

 

 

Another guy after telling me that he has dated married/single all kinds of women –

 

Guy – I don’t judge people

Me - Right, I was reading this book and it described a real-life event, A man killed his whole family and after that committed suicide, he left a note saying that after his death a full autopsy should be performed on this brain. It was done, it came out that the man had a tumour which was constantly pushing his amygdala, in result making him angry all the time.

Guy – Ok


Yes, we should not judge people but if you are dating a happily married woman, be aware that if your wife/gf/sister was doing the same thing would you accept it? I personally would never want to be a home wrecker.

 

To be continued…

 

Saturday, March 27, 2021

Book Review: An American Marriage by Tayari Jones

 


This book resembles a lot of Bollywood movies I have seen where a couple is separated by situations beyond their control and when one of them finds someone else, the other one turns up.

Roy and Celeste are married for a year or so and then Roy gets false accused of Rape and is imprisoned for 12 years. Celeste waits patiently then realized that Andre, her childhood friend is her one true love. Andre and Celeste are all set to get engaged and then out of the blue Roy’s conviction is overturned and he get to release from prison way to early. Tragic right ! Only here the emotional struggle of people caught in this love triangle is explained in detail. Like how Roy and Celeste fell apart. How Andre and Celeste came to know that they are made for each other and blah blah.

There is so much detailing that it makes you feel that everything is happening in slow motion. I am not the one for love triangle stories but this book is captivating. The only thing I couldn’t wrap my head around is to Roy and Andre, Celeste seems a very special woman but from the story I couldn’t make out what was so special about Celeste except she made dolls and she smells nice (this particular detail is mentioned more than a couple of times). I am giving this book 4 stars because whatever each character in this book is experiencing is quite human. The emotional struggle is quite real.


Monday, February 22, 2021

Sheru - The Wonder Dog

 


Let’s meet Sheru, The Wonder Dog. Our Sheru is an extremely good looking, notorious, playful and smart stray Dog. He has 2 siblings – Bhuri and Kallu, and some nephews and nieces. He is much like Amitabh Bachchan from Satte pe Satta. He loves his family, protects them at any cost but when it comes to food, he has to be the first one to eat. Rest of the family has to wait and watch until Sheru has finished eating and then they can have the left overs.

Dogification of a popular character is not the only quality our Sheru possesses. He is one of smartest dogs considering no one trained him for it. He wants to live a life of quiet and peace and chases away anything which he deemed a threat. Also, he can never be caught in the act.

The most extra ordinary thing about this Dog is, he protects his family more than most of humans do. One morning I couldn’t find Kallu when she was pregnant, I didn’t mention anything in dog language but Sheru somehow understood that I was looking for Kallu and started jumping up and down in front of me and then led me to Kallu, just like movies. Kallu had dug a hole beside our house and was ready to give birth. The next day there were 5 puppies and Sheru became a permanent resident of our street (which he wasn’t before that).

He started chasing away dogs and humans from puppies, no one except a few selected people could visit the puppies. I don’t know when and how this happened, but he trusted my family and allowed us to touch the puppies, to feed the puppies and to take care of puppies.

One day someone from neighborhood, started a small fire with scraps, somewhat near the place where these puppies were sleeping. Sheru just went mad, he started showing my mother the fire. At first my mother did not understand it because the fire was harmless but then it occurred to her that Sheru is worried about the puppies. He only calmed down when my mother went to check on puppies and told him that everything is fine.

When the puppies started walking Sheru has to keep a close eye on them. Whenever they were out in the open, he comes to our front gate and stays there until we have noticed it. When the puppies are playing in the streets, he chases away strangers or dog haters. He runs after them; he barks at them but he never bites them. Every night before going to sleep, he checks the perimeter. Runs a lap to spot any possible threats. He is the first one to come to puppies when they cry. All he is getting in return from most of humans are stones, sticks and abuse. He reminds me of soldiers and it’s just not because of his muscular physique. He stands in front of running cars so that the drivers have to drop down their speed. He sits at the middle of the road so that he can have his eyes everywhere. When at night we lock our front gate, he comes to us to say -  “sleep well now I will take care of the puppies”.



Now after child birth Kallu has become very weak, and we started giving her extra food. The food which Sheru was not getting, if you remember he is Amitabh Bachchan from Satte pe Satta. But somehow, he knew why Kallu needed more food so he did not make any objections.

Puppies have also started eating solid food. Sheru doesn’t hesitate to let them eat from his share. That’s just how much he loves the puppies. It has happened so many times that one of the puppies was lost for a while, whenever I go looking for them, Sheru just knows that something is wrong so he accompanies me. He doesn’t know what I am looking for because he can’t exactly count, but he knows, if I am frantic that might be because one of the puppies is lost.




It might be a plain story for most of the people but when you think about it; humans have written countless books on love, family, loyalty. Have made thousands of movies on that topic. Have created monuments for love. But at the end of the day it’s a dog who actually understands what true love and loyalty means.

 

Sunday, December 6, 2020

Which MEAN GIRL are you?

Why good looking people always considered mean?

It is always expected from good looking and privileged people to be nice to people who are not as privileged as they are. We have always been taught that, we shouldn’t judge anyone or treat anyone differently because of their looks. But don’t privileged people expect the same behavior.

How many times less beautiful girls befriend more beautiful girls so that they can be the part of the squad and get something out of the popularity beautiful girls are getting. So that they can have their personality improved. So that they can learn a few tips from beautiful people. So that they can know what kind of creams, therapies, hair products beautiful girls are using. Well I have seen this all my life.

Our society is quite duplicitous, first they demand you to be beautiful then they call you mean if you are beautiful.

Once I tried to comfort a friend who was feeling really low because she was not beautiful enough. I told her why you are being so hard on yourself. Beauty isn’t everything. She said you will never understand, I replied I have flaws too. She was like really what are those – I said I have such bad teeth and she said it doesn’t matter because teeth are behind lips. Apparently it is okay to have flaws if you are not displaying them on showcase.

I was on a holiday and one of my fellow girls just started observing my flaws like my eyebrows are not made perfectly, my hairs not colored properly. She got me in a “not so bad” mood so I replied with a smile otherwise I would have replied – “Still better than yours” and I would become a mean girl instantly.

I have seen girls enjoying when boys make fun of beautiful girls saying that they are dumb. What guys know about girls? Girls only pretend to be dumb because they know guys are dumb enough to believe in this dumb act. But yes girls really enjoyed if a beautiful girl is called dumb. That’s like the ultimate truth for them and are pleased that boys are realizing it too

Why is it an offense to call a hard working woman just a house wife but it is not an offense to assume all working girls just sit there in office and get paid, when they face gender discrimination every minute, every second. P.S. whoever thinks gender discrimination doesn’t exist at their work place is either delusional or lying or very much ignorant.

Once a girl in office tried to get friendly with me. She started like this you are not married. It was not a question, it was a statement phrased like a sad little truth. Apparently she is married and younger than me. I wanted to say – and who married you? But instead said no, I am not. It did not end here, she went on asking – did you have your hair straightened? I said no why? And she said – well your hair look like they were damaged from straightening treatment. That was first time she was talking to me and she offended me two times. I think I am human enough to be allowed a bad hair day. I didn’t say anything but I made sure that everyone knew what she said to me. You see in order to deal with bitches you have to be a better bitch.

I don’t understand why is it rude to call fat people fat but it is a healthy joke if you tell a slim girl that “your mother is not feeding you properly”.  I remember my "healthy" friends being really happy about me putting on some weight. They were practically gloating that this girl is not going to be slim forever.  

I once had a friend who was really good looking, though she was proud of her looks, she wasn’t mean. She talked to everyone nicely, she helped everyone, and she considered everyone. She always made it perfectly clear that she was the most good looking person in the room (not in a bad way) but every girl enjoyed it when she had emotional breakdowns, someone offended her or if she suffered in any other ways. Tell me who is the meanest here. If all of us felt threatened by her beauty, it wasn’t her fault. We had a fallout (for very different reasons) and later she tried to make it up to me, may be if I were on her place I wouldn’t have the gut to do that. She was a thousand times human than any of us and still is.

Right from the Primary school, till this date. This has happened so many times with me – Girls wanted to be friends with me. They wanted to know my secret, which I don’t even know myself. Once they would realize that they have achieved the same level as me, they would start being mean to me, always giving me remarks like I have uneven teeth, I am too small, too skinny and so on. It’s not my problem if they thought they can beat me in some non-existent competition. I am just your next door girl who likes to have friends rather than followers. Followers are just the people who dreams of taking your place one day.

Some girls go above and beyond to insult girls who they want to follow in their personality development journey. Once a girl asked me to go shopping with her because I have great dressing sense. I asked her for what occasion she was shopping; she said she is buying stuff for her sister because her sister was supposed to attend a wedding. I spend 2-3 hours with her; she kept taking me from shop to shop without buying anything I recommended. I was exhausted and told her I am going home. She insisted on going to another mall which was at the opposite end of the city, when I said no, she tried emotional blackmailing on me. I still left.  After a few days I came to know from our common friend that the shopping girl is getting married in a few days and she didn’t even invite me. Well she didn’t exactly lie about her sister attending a wedding. I don’t need to ask who is the mean girl here.

I was once blocked by a girl because she thought I was good looking and mean, she didn’t even try to give me benefit of doubt. I have been accused of being sophisticated while I consider myself quite feral. It’s not my problem if you can’t keep up with being like me. I did not ask you to be like me. I am an INFJ and “being me” is exhausting. I don’t understand why anyone would choose to be that on purpose.

I have 3 elder sisters and I am the ugliest but I don’t blame them for hijacking all the good DNAs. I just try to do best with what I have got. I am 36 and single but I don’t blame my married friends for holding onto good guys. I feel optimistic that there were some good guys so there might be more.

How many times we have seen girls sabotage their relationships with each other because of being in competition with each other over looks? How can we compete with Men in this gender biased society when we are always pushing each other in corner over something so fleeting as looks?

I don’t mind being called mean; it might be a problem for everyone else but not for me.

Life is mean to everyone in general, no one is that privileged.

We live in a mean world which is hell bent on dividing people in different categories. Whichever category you belong to it doesn’t give you any right to be mean to the other category.


Thursday, September 3, 2020

Age is not just a number

 

All of us often feel nostalgic; every now and then. We catch ourselves thinking about the good times but is the good time was really a good time? Scientists say – “Our perception of the world is deeply imperfect, our brains only bother to remember a tiny piece of what we actually experience, and every time we remember something we have the potential to change the memory we are accessing.”


I am 36 and just taking a look back at my life. Do I wanna go back to a certain time? Let’s see –

Before Teenage

My childhood was amazing. We used to live in a close community, I had so many friends in fact I had so many different groups of friends, I was a popular kid, I can’t say if everyone liked me or not but I had a good impression on almost everyone. We enjoyed all the festivals, all the seasons, all the occasions. I was good at school, I played a lot, I fought a lot and I was in trouble a lot.

Let’s face it those were good days but I was a kid, I was banned from almost everything, everything I did led to trouble, I was cute but always dirty, I spent days without taking a shower, I couldn’t even go to next door without asking permission, there was a timetable for playing, for watching T.V., for having breakfast/lunch/dinner, and every now and then people would come to my parents complaining about my behaviour. My friends kind of hated me because I was popular. My sisters were always mocking me just because I was the youngest (though they took very good care of me but whatever, it was their duty).  I had to cry a lot to get toys and dolls and stuff.

But do I want to go back to being a child, I don’t think anyone really want to.

Teenage

So my teenage was exactly opposite of my childhood. I was living in a small town, in a secluded office campus with almost no neighbors at least none of my age. Everyone around me had a funny accent and I did not have any accent, the way I talked, the way I walked everything I did was alien to them. I was popular but in a ghostly way. Everyone knew me but I had very few friends. Cricket was everything to me; I was a living cricket encyclopedia. Crazy about Rahul Dravid. I think he was my first hero in every possible imaginable way. I was day dreaming a lot (who doesn’t), some of it I still remember and frankly it is embarrassing.

I moved to a different city for my college and first couple of years were total nightmare. You can imagine one day living a privileged life with everyone taking care of you and suddenly you are in a girl’s hostel. You will know it if you have lived in a place where everyone is sharpening their nails, baring their teeth, jumping on their toes, prepping their tongue waiting for you to make just one tiny winy small mistake. As if it wasn’t enough to be surrounded by soul eater wraiths, the hostel owners had a very complicated family tree (if you know what I mean). Well it was kind of living in a Big Boss house without AC, hot water and comfy couch..you see worse than Big Boss house. College was not any better. In first year of engineering, students are always looking down so much that they have no idea what is going on around them. I felt like a lost puppy.

So I don’t have to tell you that I don’t want to go back being a teenager. As a girl in teenage you are awkward when your crush is around (Okay that doesn’t have anything to do with teenage), you don’t know how to live inside your body, even if you have good dressing sense you are forced by your parents and siblings to wear something less cool, you are not able to express yourself, you live in a bubble and later in your teenage that bubble is about to go pop. In my opinion teenage is the worst time of your life, End of story.

20-25

Hmmm....this is the best time and worst time together.  I switched my place, made good friends, beginning to understand ways of the world. My Rahul Dravid obsession still continued. Everyone thought I was different – good way or bad way I still don’t know. I was able to keep up with college stuff. I had a good time. But you win one battle and there is another.

Job – I was good at aptitude but not good at interviews. I was rejected in final round of almost all interviews (I couldn’t make it to the finals for at least some). I actually once went to Grand Hyatt Mumbai for a job interview and accidentally walked into a wedding ceremony. Everyone just stopped doing everything and they were glaring at my formal suit. Their eyes were yelling – Girl you are at wrong place. Anyways I did not get an offer letter even after clearing the HR round so I suppose I was rejected. I accepted a low paying job in a city which was far from where all my friends were and I accepted it with all my heart. I did well in my job but it wasn’t well paid. All my sisters got married. I did not yet have a boy friend. Whenever I liked someone they were unavailable, whenever someone liked me I did not like them back. Also most of the guys saw me as a temporary girlfriend material I have no idea why. Out of all my male friends, I ever had, I think there are only 2-3 who did not approach me as a rebound, ridiculous right!

Do I want to go back to that time? Well I went through a lot of phases during this time and always came out stronger. A lot of people still remember me whenever they see some news about Rahul Dravid (Talk about obsession).  I was independent but I did not have much money and at this age you can’t ask your parents for money so that you can spend it at your leisure for your pleasure.  I had a kleptomaniac for a roommate whose father was in police department, ironic right! This is the time of your life when you have the potential but no one wants to give you a chance. You have money but not enough for anything useful. You have got no emotional support because all your friends are busy in spending the little money they have got. No I don’t want to go back to that time. I am totally done with it. It feels like a badly planned holiday.

25-30

These are the most less productive years of my life. I was back with my family in a new city. A city so lively that it sometimes makes me want to murder someone. I was in a relationship which drove me into depression. I was switching jobs faster than I can get one. I literally walked out of 4 jobs because I simply did not feel like continuing. I had very little patience and very high temper. I insulted almost everyone I crossed path with. I even called one of my ex-bosses a Bitch on Facebook in a Public post.  I tossed away a very good future prospect. All I care about was just make an impossible relationship work somehow. 

Obviously I do not want to go back to that time because all this time I felt like a complete idiot who was getting stupider with age. With the help of some good books and a very supportive family I managed to get out of the relationship. I managed to get a decent job. I managed to get back on track. But no never in my life again.

30s

Now I can say that I am good at my job; I am earning, saving and contributing to my family. I am more patient now. Now I am only swearing on people’s back. I can afford holidays, high maintenance, hobbies, books and bookshelves, gym and other things. I bought a car on my own. Learnt to drive. Now I can smell a bad relationship from miles away. I have less but good friends. I feel so content that I can focus on helping others. I am taking care of stray dogs. I try not to get in unnecessary arguments. I block/mute everyone who gives me negative vibes. I help younger people by distributing them torrent downloaded movies and tv shows. (If feels good when younger generation asks you for internet stuff). Now I sometimes watch football and I can not stand watching cricket.

Well I say 30s is the golden age of your life. You officially have a right to think that everyone who is younger is stupid because you are quite mature now.  You can order green tea when everyone else is ordering booze without feeling like a total freak. You are now able to insult people in subtle, sophisticated manner. You are able to get yourself out of most of the situations because you have been through hell. You can completely support yourself as well as others. You look your best (at least in your early 30s). You finally know what to do with all the wit you have got. 

May be when I am in my 40s, I wouldn't want to go back to my 30s at all.

Whoever told you that “Age is just a number” was wrong. It is journey of your life through the no. of years which we call Age. It is our journey from ignorance to maturity, from nobody to somebody, from impulse to understanding, from denial to acceptance..umm well of course for so many of us it’s vice versa but whatever it is, it is our life experience don’t insult it by calling just a number.

 


Saturday, August 1, 2020

My Story of Finding and Losing Love in a Month


Cute aren’t they? Well only one survived. Yes it’s a heart breaking real life story. When it started? We need to go back a couple of years –

Around January 2019, five puppies started to come near our home for drinking water –



I don’t have picture of 5th one. Only 3 survived – The black one with white paws, the blonde one and the one with the spots. These 3 cute puppies, 2 females (Kallu and Bhuri) and 1 male (spotty), found out they can peacefully live near our house because there is always water and left over food was served at night. 

Somewhere around December 2019 both females gave birth. Kallu had 6 puppies; they all died rather an unfortunate death. One of our neighbours put them in hole thinking that they would be safe there, the neighbour fell ill and couldn’t get out of the house for a couple of days and completely forgot about the puppies, when she remembered it was too late.

Bhuri had 4 puppies. One day me and my mother took a stroll to see where did Bhuri kept its puppies. What we saw was priceless. As Bhuri was weak due to child birth kallu and spotty were guarding these 4 different shades of brown and blond –

 




All 7 of them lived like any normal human family. They took shelter near our house because there no one could hit them, they could get water and food and the Man with vegetable cart always gave them tomatoes. But our spotty is a real Alpha.


Soon it started attacking the puppies and its sisters for food though he did never hurt them but he certainly scared them. After some time one of the puppies died of sickness. The 3 puppies started growing up on whatever left over we could provide them. In a few months they actually grew up to be healthy.

Then it came the age of Pandemic, nationwide lockdown declared in end of March 2020. One of puppies (Guchlu) took permanent shelter under our car, because it wasn’t going anywhere and Kallu was expecting again. Under the influence of its survival instinct, it needed more food so Kallu drove Bhuri away. The other 2 puppies also started keeping their distance because Kallu had started having a temper. No one could budge Guchlu because it was under my protection, and during the lockdown it grew up to be a full grown dog (almost).

In early June 2020 Kallu gave birth to 5 adorable black puppies in an extended section of a hut just in front of our house. From here the story of our joy and grief starts.


My mother gave Kallu Porridge (which she specially made for Kallu) and Laddu (made to overcome the weakness of child birth). It became a routine for me to check up on those puppies every now and then during my work from home period. Just after a week the owner of the hut returned from their village because of “Unlock”. My parents asked them to not to move the puppies for some time and they agreed. The hut owner had little kids so he sealed the front of the hut with sacks, left a little space so that only dogs can pass by.

One day my mother noticed a lot of ants in the hut and asked the owner to throw some powder to get rid of ants. Now the puppies were a little over 20 Days and had their eyes opened. When the owner took off the sacks to throw the powder, Kallu already had so many wounds caused by Ants and the puppies were introduced to the whole new world. Till then they had no idea that anyone else was out there. Kallu became very weak and she had to leave the puppies though kept checking on them. There was only Guchlu who was kind of jealous with these puppies because they had my full attention. Kallu’s visits became less frequent and the puppies were left on the mercy of no one. For puppies it was a new world and they wanted to explore it as much as they can without any idea of what’s waiting for them out there.

We spent our noon counting them to check if all of them are there and nights putting them back in the hut but once they were out of the hut it was hard to put them back there. It was Monsoon season, when it rained they had no idea where to go so they would just sit in front of our home and cry. I had to put them in the hut at midnight to keep them safe from rain. If I put one in the hut the other one would get out. I was so much out of my front door that I actually became aware that what the last names of my neighbors are. During the Work from home I got tan which I never had when I used to travel to office. I actually started applying sunscreen during Work from home because every now and then I had to go out in order to watch the puppies – if all of them were there?, if all of them were safe?, did they need food or water or shelter? My father even kept them inside the front gate when a JCB was running down the road. That was the shittiest half an hour my house has ever seen. I even helped my mother in cleaning it because I was afraid if she had to do it all by herself, she would never let me keep the puppies inside.

 

Soon these puppies became talk of the town and everyone wanted to touch them, hold them, and play with them. People from neighborhood who I never talked to before or saw before would come to just watch the puppies. Some people would actually take the puppies with them for a couple of hours.

On a July Sunday I decided to give them a quick bath.

 

 



I wanted them to be all cleaned up so that I can play with them. It was a tough job to put them together because whenever they saw their mother they ran in her direction without knowing anything about the dangers of real world. Some kids helped me to find them and these kids had all kind of questions – do you take care of these puppies? Can we come to your house and play with them? What do they eat? Etc. etc.

Somehow we managed to give them all a bath and lots of toast. They slept through the day and played through the evening. It was a delight to watch them play with each other, sleep over each other. They were such a bundle of joy.

The very next day the same kids came and told me that one of the puppies had been killed by a big dog. I didn’t believe this kid and My father went to check. He told me that it had died and kids had dug a grave for the puppy and buried it. They even put some flowers over the grave.

Next day those kids came and they asked me if they wanted to build a house for the puppies would I allow it. Of course I allowed it. At the time there is nothing I wanted more than a house for the puppies. I could not keep them inside my house because my parents are senior citizens, once this pandemic situation clears I would be spending my days at office and it would be too much for my parents to take care of puppies. The kids started building a house of cardboards which soon became their own instrument of play.

After the death of one of puppies I became more protective of them, I would go after them if they left the street for their mother and bring them back. I was afraid that they will be attacked by the same dog again. I counted them first thing after getting up in morning and before going to sleep in night. I spent one whole afternoon looking for one puppy which was found by a kid for me. Somehow I managed to train them to come back on my call; somehow I managed to keep them in front of my eyes. When I called they ran back to me on their small paws, that’s the happiness I have never felt before considering we used to have 2 dogs long back. I felt a bit relaxed because the puppies were able to found their way back.

On a Wednesday evening around 8 o’clock, I just counted them and checked my office messenger; I had to take a quick call. I was on call and heard my mother say to my father - someone has killed 2 puppies. I did not believe it, I couldn’t focus on the meeting, and I told them that I will connect later and disconnected the call. I ran outside, there I saw two of them just lying there. 

One of puppies had its gut out on the road –


And the other one just died in its sleep, it wasn’t even visibly hurt.


Someone bought a new car and decided to drive over them. I have never seen such a heart breaking sight in my life so close to my eyes. We couldn’t eat or sleep. When some of us confronted the driver about the accident he wasn’t even aware that he had killed two puppies.

Only 2 puppies left which I called chhoti and moti. The very next day chhoti became sick, we took care of him, gave them small amount of medicine and in a couple of days it started looking better.


Chhoti was clearly in distress while Moti was a happy go lucky. Moti wanted to play but Chhoti was sad. They wanted their mother who just knew something has happened – what or how she could not understand.  Whenever she tried to keep an eye on the puppies from a distance at one of the neighbors’ front gate, our very considerate neighbor would throw a bucket full of water on her in order to get rid of her. She did not come near them because they wanted to be fed and she didn’t have any strength to feed them.

My father arranged a box for the puppies so that they won’t sleep on the road. I put it at our front gate so that I can see them from inside the house. I covered the box with plastic, umbrella and rain coat so that they didn’t have to worry about the weather. By this time our Guchlu started growling at the puppies whenever they went near him. Sometimes spotty came to check on them but he is not very fatherly.

After 3 days on Sunday, one family who used to visit before to watch the puppies adopted Moti. It was also gone. Chhoti was left alone with Guchlu who wasn’t very friendly. It was in its box (which became its house), at night when we turned off the lights, it started crying. I gave it some re-assurance, put it to sleep, came back inside and it started crying again. I took it inside, it was happy, wanted to explore the front porch, I turned off the lights went to sleep and it started crying again. I checked on it and hoped that its mother will come after hearing the cry. She eventually came and we all went to sleep. The next in the afternoon Chhoti started crying again, I had to work; I couldn’t give it company so I took it in and somehow managed to put it to sleep. In the evening it played joyfully, in the night it understood that the box was its house and Chhoti went inside the box on its own free will. Chhoti was getting used to of all of this, getting used to of us taking care of it, Guchlu growling at it, its mother running away from it. Whenever it was sleeping we kept our voices low, because whenever Chhoti heard us, it would want to come to us. It did not even try to follow its mother after going 20 Feet. I again became a bit relaxed thinking that Chhoti can now survive in this world.

On Thursday Chhoti fell ill, we tried to give it some medicine, when it did not improve Chhoti’s health we called a Doctor next day. Chhoti was beyond saving by then but still the Doctor tried everything he could. In the afternoon Chhoti passed away and it broke my heart to see this small, beautiful, adorable creature to go this cold and rigid. Now Kallu keeps coming at our front door thinking that we might have its kid.

I don’t cry much. Whenever I cry it is either for my own or my family’s problems. It makes me sad when I think about them. I miss these puppies, I miss seeing them first thing in the morning, I miss putting them to sleep in night, I miss feeding them, and I miss playing with them. I don’t think I can get attach to a person in a whole year or in a life time as much as I got attached to these puppies in a month.